Le Tour

Courage is not the absence of fear

2009-11-18T21:19:00.002+08:00

it is in spite of it.

Just as generosity is not the absence of pettiness but despite it.

To indulge in small-minded nastiness and spiteful meanness is not only toxic and poisonous, it is ultimately self-defeating. In any kind of game, theoretical, simulation or practical, punishers end up last. Those that go out of their ways to avenge every slight, intended or perceived, are invariably out-competed by their opponents.

Deterrence theory has this to say on the subject of punishment; in order for punishment to achieve a goal of deterrence, it must be swift, severe and certain. The corollary applies, unless all three requirements met, the objective of deterrence in taking punitive action is unachieved. In a social context, for an individual to pursue this strategy is to display either a childish indulgence in base appetites or a shocking lack of imagination.

How do you want to spend your twenty-four hours? Don't sweat the small stuff, focus on the bigger picture and let four thousand years of social theory deal with the rest.

Anecdotal evidence is just that,

2009-09-26T23:13:00.002+08:00

anecdotal. You can’t just ground a whole argument based on just singular experiences.

Just because your neighbour’s dumb but rich kid got into a top school on a diet of steroid brain boosters, subliminal tapes or just intensive tuitioning doesn’t therefore mean that top schools are all inhabited by spoilt rich bastards. (Although that might be a comforting thought for your poor and dumb kid, if any).

Similarly just because you got into a top school while working part-time as a toilet bowl washer cause your family was poor doesn’t prove the myth that everything is meritocratic and pretty. If you work hard you’ll succeed. What about all the other toilet bowl washers that didn’t make the honour roll?

Is this stating the obvious, of course it is. But that doesn’t deter people from stating their singular and anecdotal experiences as if it were a proof of social reality. Oh no, of course not. Everyone thinks they have a unique and detached point of observation from which to pass judgement upon the myriad societal flaws and inequities. (The irony of making this statement is not lost on me, trust me.) But still, when people say something like

“This _(insert social apparatus)_ is seriously _(insert appropriate epithet)_. That time I saw this __(recount amusing but irrelevant personal experience)___, so ya, all _(insert social apparatus)_ is really _(repeat thesis statement)__.”

Things like these can really make a person think. I’m not sure what it makes you think about, but it makes me think “wow, when you were born were you dropped on your head?” “Do you realise you just made the average intelligence level of the human race go down an infinitesimal fraction?” or just something simple like “Dammit I wish people weren’t so fucking stupid. And if they were I wish they wouldn’t fuck and have kids.”

Singaporean cynic

2009-09-17T20:44:00.006+08:00

To be a social individual in the Singaporean society is to be one immersed in a brand of coffee shop philosophy that is perhaps as old as the coffee shop itself. While every government has its fair share of detractors and its own particularly fashionable style of critique. Here, I have found the anti-establishment critic takes a far more despondent, grimmer and yes, cynical view than others I've had occasion to observe. It is the thorough bred Singaporean cynic. To be a fashionable cynic, one must be able to deconstruct and reconstruct reality and truth with the skill of a consummate magician. The fault lies with a gross, uncaring, detached government. Then, now and always. That is the philosophy of the cynic. To struggle is futile, idealism is only worthy of scorn, hope, merely childish naiveté. The government that succeeds is elitist, aloof, condescending, and exclusive. The failures or inefficiencies of the state are due to the gross negligence and outright incompetence of the lords of the manor whose motives are to enrich only themselves at the expense of everyone else.

To join the PAP is to be branded a class-traitor, a betrayer of ideals and a shameless panderer to the powers that be for the right to scrabble for scraps and privileges at the masters' table. To be a supporter of the opposition is to be a reckless trouble-maker. A rabble rouser, malcontent, misguided fool and perhaps someone of unsound mind (for who in their right minds would actually challenge the established order?)

To express either view in the hearing range of the cynic is to invite an off the cuff lecture on the principles of governance and the multitude flaws of the Singaporean way of life. For the cynic bears his own brand of zealotry as furiously and jealously as any fundamentalist, he brooks no compromise and accepts no middle ground to his entrenched stance of cynicism on all government action.

Scratch the surface but lightly and a sense of slighted dignity emerges from all conversation with such cynics. For deeply rooted in the depths of the cynic's psyche is a gross sense of frustration, and even more deeply, an immense sense of inadequacy. Frustration because in spite of all he can achieve at work, he is still to all intents and purposes incapable of dictating the way of his life in any significant way. "Men are born free, but everywhere in chains". On all sides he is hemmed in and walled, cordoned, blocked, prodded, molded, cajoled and harangued. He has to act as he is expected to act, behave as he is required to behave and finally to breed and spawn as he is encouraged to.

But even deeper still the cynic is motivated by fear, a deep inexpressible fear of his own inadequacies. It is the terror that even if he did take up the gauntlet thrown down in challenge. Stepped up and struggled and fought for the change he desires. Even after the commitment of his utmost, he would fail. Fail to budge the machinery of state in the slightest. Fail to make the slightest difference. This deepest dimension of shame and inadequacy drives the self-loathing and vitriol of the dedicated cynic. To be revealed to all to as utterly insignificant and impotent. Hence, the sole remaining refuge of such an individual from himself and from the perceived judgment of his peers is a self-deceiving and contemptuous brand of cynicism.

Misery loves company. Only by projecting and compelling others to the same despondent philosophy does the cynic achieve any measure of self-worth. For if everyone was like him, then his flaws, his weaknesses have to be normal. There is comfort to be gained in knowing one is not alone. Now the zealotry of the Singaporean cynic is truly revealed. For to debate the cynic on his views is not just an intellectual or philosophic exercise, it is an attack on the very pillars upon which his self-worth is erected.

Funerals are for those left behind

2009-09-10T20:50:00.000+08:00

Honour the dead, but remember the living

When they run out of space in hell...

2009-08-21T19:18:00.003+08:00

Every year around this time of the year lots of people will start igniting big piles of paper and/or paper derivatives. While any other time of the year setting the local dust bin on fire will get you arrested, people are actually encouraged during this time to make use of the same gigantic metal bins to get their burning kicks on.

I've always been a little puzzled by this behavior, what are they actually trying to accomplish with all the burning, effigies , fires and huge plumes of acrid smoke sent up into the air? Is this to recreate an image of hell with its fire and brimstone so that the dead can feel more comfortable when they come visit? And every year the pyromania gets more and more out of hand, surely not a good sign?

Would not a newly deceased ghost after a few months in the underworld crave a waft of fresh clean air when out on an annual vacation? Surely if you worked in a factory for 11 months of the year, you'd not want to spend your vacation in a trash incinerator.

The logic, once again, escapes me.

2009-08-19T13:00:00.003+08:00

One of the biggest pleasures of this job can also be one of its biggest torments. I've always enjoyed the freedom and being given the time to think and pursue ideas at work. That is, until some problem from outside work preoccupies the mind and expands and expands until it blots out all other thoughts. In that case, having the freedom to brood is not far removed from having the freedom of having a Colt 45 in the drawer.

Looking into the sun

2009-08-04T08:25:00.002+08:00

''..the fuck you guys. No seriously, you guys. The. Fuck."

Have you ever had days where you felt battered by and at the mercy of your fickle moods. Little interactions and conversations through the day sending your emotions careening like a little bit of drift wood caught in a storm at sea. A random walk induced by the Brownian motion of social interaction.

I've heard from somewhere that the if hate was a substance, it'd be black and sludgy, staining and corupting everything it touches. What I'd like to do is to just sit with my eyes closed, focusing inwards. And draw all that thick, black, sticky tar-like hate out of every fibre of my being. Draw it out and feed it into a flame, and burn it. Burn with such a white hot fury that all that is left would be a single kernal. Small, round bright and hard. Hate that is forged through the purifying flames of my soul, a pure searing white orb, blinding to behold.

Kensai, sword-saint, poetry with three-foot steel.

The Dark Angel by Lionel Johnson

2009-07-16T12:26:00.001+08:00

DARK Angel, with thine aching lust
To rid the world of penitence:
Malicious Angel, who still dost
My soul such subtile violence!
Because of thee, no thought, no thing,
Abides for me undesecrate:
Dark Angel, ever on the wing,
Who never reachest me too late!
When music sounds, then changest thou
Its silvery to a sultry fire:
Nor will thine envious heart allow
Delight untortured by desire.
Through thee, the gracious Muses turn,
To Furies, O mine Enemy!
And all the things of beauty burn
With flames of evil ecstasy.
Because of thee, the land of dreams
Becomes a gathering place of fears:
Until tormented slumber seems
One vehemence of useless tears.
When sunlight glows upon the flowers,
Or ripples down the dancing sea:
Thou, with thy troop of passionate powers,
Beleaguerest, bewilderest, me.
Within the breath of autumn woods,
Within the winter silences:
Thy venomous spirit stirs and broods,
O Master of impieties!
The ardour of red flame is thine,
And thine the steely soul of ice:
Thou poisonest the fair design
Of nature, with unfair device.
Apples of ashes, golden bright;
Waters of bitterness, how sweet!
O banquet of a foul delight,
Prepared by thee, dark Paraclete!
Thou art the whisper in the gloom,
The hinting tone, the haunting laugh:
Thou art the adorner of my tomb,
The minstrel of mine epitaph.
I fight thee, in the Holy Name!
Yet, what thou dost, is what God saith:
Tempter! should I escape thy flame,
Thou wilt have helped my soul from Death:
The second Death, that never dies,
That cannot die, when time is dead:
Live Death, wherein the lost soul cries,
Eternally uncomforted.
Dark Angel, with thine aching lust!
Of two defeats, of two despairs:
Less dread, a change to drifting dust,
Than thine eternity of cares.
Do what thou wilt, thou shalt not so,
Dark Angel! triumph over me:
Lonely, unto the Lone I go;
Divine, to the Divinity.

First week of work

2009-06-29T21:12:00.002+08:00

Just finished my first week of work at my new job today. To be truthful its been even better than I expected, people there are friendly and the work is interesting. All to the good. But ah... the commuting, now that is something worth talking about.

Our world class transport system, marvel of modern technology, envy of the world. Now that, is an experience that should be savoured like a gourmet meal. The rank mix of cheap cologne and rancid sweat is a potent combination that not just wakes up the unwary traveller but literally strips the paint off walls. On top of that everyone is just so terribly friendly at the crack of dawn, the comaradarie of vicious umbrella jabs and malice filled stares just warms me right down to the cockles of my heart. And to really prepare you for the workplace nothing does the job better than a shoulder to shoulder tackle from the 30 pound overweight auntie as you are leaving the train. Look into those cold merciless eyes the nanosecond before impact and you'll have a good idea of what a calf feels right before the crocodile snaps into it.

Mmmh, public transport, an experience like no other.

Leaving tonight

2009-06-04T17:27:00.002+08:00

If childhood is suppose to be the happiest time of a person's life, why do children spend so much of their damn time crying?

Anyway I'll be leaving for UK tonight. Loyal subjects of the British empire must visit the motherland at least once and all that.

The future

2009-02-25T15:44:00.002+08:00

The year is 2009.

Ah shit the future is the same as the 90s. I mean, come on, its the 2000s, its almost 2010, well almost. Its science fiction future, where's the freaking moon colony? Sure we got a space station, but it sucks donkey balls, its not even cool, its just yesterday tech made big.

We aren't even close to cloning people yet, and we ain't even got nuclear fusion going on. Come on people! Lets focus here, concentrate. I can deal with no flying cars and underwater cities, but no fusion? Its been 60 years, get a move on gramps. Its not even future tech anymore, its overdue yesterday tech.

In the year 20XX we're suppose to do personal jetpacks and maglev and giant robots. Well we got James Bond era jetpack, some kinda maglev and small robots that tip over going down stairs.

The future is lame.

Why some things go down the big shitter

2009-02-17T21:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you have to take a break and look around. And you notice that, wow, things have really gone downhill since you've joined the cause.

Attrition rates are up, enrollment is down and those that stay aren't worth a dry fuck in the desert. Management doesn't give a rat's pooping ass what's going on over the long run. You have myopic people that can only see a day or a week ahead and behind, and to them, yesterday and today seems pretty alike, I guess everything's alright. They're interested in making it through the end of the day and the end of the year. When the reply to "what can we do to make it better" is; 'we can't do anything about it now or things are good the way they are', you know you've got some real talents on your hands. Talent for selective blindness that is.

The next year you hand over to another set of initially well-meaning but eventually can't-be-bothered individuals that are just that little bit worse than the year before. Sometimes you get slightly better people but most times you get crap dummies, but they like to think they're pretty hot stuff, so I guess you get a steamy bowl of turd in the bargain. Any kind of formal discussion sounds like a rerun of one of Dan Quayle's speeches. While the place starts looking and smelling like the southern end of a northbound cow. So year by year, the standard goes down and everyone sits around wringing their hands asking what's the problem. The problem is the same the Pharaohs had, and so did some of the European royalty. If you fuck your cousins and your siblings frequently enough and for long enough, eventually all you get are dumbfuck moron kids. Now if things are sliding downhill slowly and you keep doing the same things hoping it'll turn around, well gee, where do you think that'll take you?

For people that pride themselves on clear thinking, this isn't really very clearsighted is it? While cozying up to turd we're familiar with is safe and comforting, not to mention warm. It hardly is the solution we need right now. Its time to break out the shovels and see if we can find some new fertilizer to put into the system.

Bad poetry

2009-02-06T08:21:00.001+08:00

6 months and more without a sign, now I return with strange poetic chimes.

The circus one day was passing through town,
But then I scoffed, now it stays and hounds.
Freakies, hairies, big bright carnies,
But the weirdest of all is the huge purple Barney.

Imminent Extraction

2008-06-17T08:10:00.007+08:00

That's right, I'll be flying out from San Francisco tomorrow at 215 local time. Wot wot wot?! Yes that's right, tomorrow. Earlier than my initially arranged date, but circumstances have changed to make an earlier return more desirable. Suffice to say I have my reasons.

I shall miss this place. The States in general, but my apartment in particular I must say, life has been good to me here. Apartment-mates have been the best I could ask for, well maybe not the best, but I'd say a damn sight better than most. What's the odds of traveling halfway round the world and running into someone you can get along with and actually stand being in the same room for more than 15mins at a time? I've friends that I can stand being with more than that. Oh and can't forget the 900 channels on cable. And weather that while baking you dry in 35 degree heat, at least has the decency to look pretty.

But no regrets, hopefully I shall get to return here for grad school, maybe, plausibly, perhaps. And while sad at leaving behind this awesome place I've made my own in the last half a year, I'm looking forward to what's ahead. It will feel good to get back into my own skin again, to be back in a familiar environment, to know implicitly how things work. The food, food is what I've missed the most, and my loved ones of course, but the order should give you the answer to the question: "If your mother and wife fell into the water who would you rescue first?" I would... hey is that laksa? And the fact that the public transport actually works, oh I've missed that. Jumping back into the NUS grind, at the risk of sounding strange I've felt lost without the pressure. Sure the classes and academic demands are lighter here, and the time is better used enriching oneself in other ways, but it just doesn't feel the same. I'm addicted to the competitiveness of the rat race I know, as much as I despise those who run it.
And the crowds of people everywhere you go, elbowing you, stepping on your toes. And service staff that actually snarls at you, oh what joy. Oh and rains in the day, those that switch on at a moments notice. And no bike lanes cluttering the streets, pfft who uses those anyway? The vertical concrete sprawl with artificially engineered greenery, I wonder if I'll be claustrophobic when I return. Yup I'm going back to the hive, no two ways about it.

Battlestar Galactica Spoiler

2008-06-14T14:17:00.001+08:00

They found earth!!! Woo hoo

And they still have 10+ episodes to explore it, sweet!

San Diego

2008-06-04T11:56:00.002+08:00

Went to San Diego over the weekend a few weeks ago, I can honestly say I'm still feeling the trip very keenly indeed. Right around the stomach region I would say.

Anyway the zoo was good, living up to its fame. What I did not know was that San Diego is also the largest naval base on the west coast, home of the Midway museum, a retired aircraft carrier. The interior kinda reminded me of Battlestar Galactica. Being in the control room I had the urge to grab up the phone and say "Launch alert vipers" or "Set condition one throughout the ship".

All in all pretty good trip. Took a cart load of photos, most of them are around online somewhere.

6 flags discovery kingdom >> SB+LA

2008-05-22T08:17:00.002+08:00

The last two weekends have been pretty fun, this week GW and I went exploring the area around Davis here, well largely because there's jack shit within Davis itself. Went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom and Sacramento and had whole shovel loads of fun there.

Last week went to Santa Barbara and LA, that was pretty good too, could be better lar, but the experience of freezing your ass of at a train station at 1am in the morning while having gunshots going off in a distance, well there just no substitute for that.

Oh right and we went to an awesome Indonesian restaurant in LA, damn, but that's the best food I've had in months, well maybe not best, but food that comes a damn sight closest to home food than anything else I've had.

Anyhow more awesome pictures to be found here.

Crusader should have the same connotations as Jihadist

2008-05-09T07:00:00.004+08:00

"For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground
And tell sad stories of the death of kings"
-Bill Shakespeare

Recently while on the bus I saw on a passing car painted with the Islamic symbols of the crescent and star. It occurred to me that, some people here that see that must be thinking the driver is a terrorist or some such crazy. At this point my internal commentator kicked in:

If that's the case then the Christian cross has just as much if not more right to be viewed with fear and horror. After all the crusades from the turn of the first millennium did far more harm, over a longer period of time and over a far wider region than the modern terrorist movements carried out under the flag of Islam. The only difference in that particular style of terrorism then (if that is what you wish to call it) is that it was state sponsored and that it took place nine hundred years ago. In fact, the former is a questionable distinction since modern terrorist movements are to some extent state sponsored as well.

Violence committed and blood shed in such acts are rightfully condemned as counterproductive to a true solution to what are essentially political and economical problems. That said, is it not strange that similar acts carried out under the crusader crosses of yore are still today told with pride and the participants, lionized? (ala Richard the) That proud red cross is stained with more than just dye. The very fact that there is such a large perception gap between the crusader movement and modern religious terrorism shows that the discourse is still very much dominated by Western voices.

Perhaps there is nothing more sinister to this strange aberration than the human tendency to glorify the "good old days". And given my own tendency for seeing conspiracies that is perhaps the least insane theory. [On a tangent, the fact that the news we get, TV, online, radio or printed, gives no historical perspective is partly to blame. What is reported is the "now", it's up to you to put that in context of what has come before and what is going to happen next. (A nine hundred year old context is typically unnecessary).]

Santa Cruz

2008-04-28T12:12:00.002+08:00

Just came back from an awesome weekend out at Santa Cruz, damn that place makes Davis look like a hole in the ground.The downtown area is freakin happening, musicians and performers are around all times of the day.
Went to the boardwalk on the beach and rented a two person kayak out into the bay, spotted big clusters of sea lions out in the water and even a whale in the distance while it came out for a breather.Walked along the beach taking in the sights and atmosphere of the crowds there. As my friend and I discussed the various finer points of human anatomy and dimensions.Went out to a place named mystery spot, where apparently the magnetic field acts weird there and people have difficulty standing upright, as this should illustrate.Anyway more pictures of the awesomeness of Santa Cruz can be found here.

19/4 Picnic Day

2008-04-24T15:18:00.005+08:00

Despite the rather sedate name, picnic day in Davis is really sort of a toned down Mardi Gras on campus. People from all over town gather on the school grounds almost from the moment the sun peeps up over the horizon.My roommates and I, rather adversed to unnecessarily early wakings went out around lunch time. To pick up the high and sloshed vibe on the crowded bus headed to school. It is quite a sight to see so many obviously inebriated people on the streets in daylight. Hardly something common back home. Of course major public holidays like Chinese New Year are pretty festive too, but not quite like this. There's a kind on uninhibited friendly and cheeriness that only alcohol can impart. Well if you find it hard to imagine, just think of the best party you've been to, not the stodgy ones mind you, and make the whole population of AMK attend it.
Plus their dogs, and their little kids in little red pull wagons, and throw in a few odd balls. Punks, potheads, hot chicks (I mean see through dress level of hot) , fat dudes that look like they haven't seen the sun in years, you name it, they were all there.
I've never seen weed being smoked so casually before, but then I've never seen weed being smoked period. Plenty of wiener dogs on campus that day, partly because there was a wiener dog race. If you read the comic strip Liberty Meadows, you'll know what I mean. The local electric car dealership made a showing too, though it looked like an extremely underpowered scooter if you ask me. They can make electric sports cars, why the hell are these crap jobs still being offered?

Physics in Davis

2008-04-10T16:00:00.003+08:00

Second week of the Spring quarter there still some students doing add/drop of their modules. One thing I saw while wandering through the halls of the physics building were these.
Printed A4 sized ads of physics modules made and put up by professors to attract students. Its the damnest thing I've ever seen. And funny too, what's next, profs handing out flyers on the streets? Quite a far cry from what I'm used to in NUS where information seems almost to be deliberately hidden from you, as if daring you to find it. Its like you have to proof yourself worthy to take the course by discovering where the details are.And its not like instructors get paid by the number students they teach here, which makes the posters all the more surreal.

The student body seems to be more active as well. The physics club here is run mostly by senior year students, that is, those in their 4th and last year. Of course, the fact that the time tables here are pretty loose might have something to do with this particular quirk. Saw a cool physics club t-shirt on sale recently that's a inside joke to particle physics. It reads "Everyone's life has their ups and downs, but mine is two part charm, one part strange." And on the reverse side of the t-shirt it has a Feynman diagram of and pion and something else interacting to give charm, strange mesons. There's also another that reads " The resistance starts at ohm". But not as cute I think.

And in other news Battlestar Galactica season 4 is out, thank the Gods for the Sci-Fi channel. New episodes every week, the only way to get it sooner is to steal it from the studio. Frak me!

Spring Break, Vegas and Grand Canyon

2008-04-03T14:59:00.004+08:00

Went with a bunch of friends to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon over spring break week.
Here's a panaroma of the canyon, it looks sad here but being there in person beats all. The food along the way, whoo. What can I say, except bring lotsa spare underwear. Mmmh good.

More pictures on my flicker site, getting lazy. Gonna take up riding (horses) this quarter, should be fun. Oh and why are there no photos of Vegas? I hear you ask, because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. My advice is being lotsa 1 dollar bills and never wear black in the day.

California Capital Airshow

2008-03-24T01:23:00.002+08:00

Went to the airshow at Sacramento last weekend, the photos have been up on flicker for a few days, might as well put in an entry here as well.I got to speak to an adversary pilot at the Fighter Weapons School, or Top Gun. These are the guys that fly against Top Gun cadets in exercises. They fly F-5 Tiger IIs to mimic soviet aircraft. If you've watched the movie Top Gun, you'll know that it's pretty cool to see the real thing.Got to see the working version of the Mitchell medium bomber as well. That's the one they used in WWII to raid Tokyo in the aftermath of Pearl Harbour. If you've seen the movie of the same name, the Mitchell makes a show towards the end of the movie where they have to lighten the plane up so that it can take off from an aircraft carrier deck.
More here

Spring is coming

2008-03-18T06:03:00.004+08:00

Just a few more days to the vernal equinox, which is on March 20th. That's the day when the length of day will finally be equal to the length of night again. And everyday after that the days will get longer and the nights shorter, right up to the summer solstice June 20th, just a week and a half before I return.
Trees and shrubs are starting to bloom and all manner of nature's creatures are throwing off winter's cold chill and getting frisky (that includes people too).
Finally, to be in a place where it's considered unusual and extremely rude of the weather to rain all the time. To be here where the climate doesn't thumb it's nose at you and go "I'm going to piss of every single person in sight today, and just to be contrary I'll drop a couple of big booming farts to scare your kids too". Only in California does the weather have the decency to rain at night and only in an embarrassed dainty little sprinkle too.

There'll be some photos from the California Capital Air Show coming up as soon as I finish labeling the planes.

The Social Contract by Rousseau

2008-03-16T13:06:00.003+08:00

and when the prince says to him: "It is expedient for the state that you should die", then he should die, because it is only on such terms that he has lived in security as long as he has and also because his life is no longer the bounty of nature but a gift he has received conditionally from the state.

Recollecting (Adult content)

2008-03-15T16:47:00.011+08:00

Skip if you don't wish to read harsh language.

I generally try to keep things restraint on this blog and keep my personal shit detached. But it's mine so fuck it, and if you don't like it fuck you too. What the fuck do you know you dumb cunt.

Got to thinking about some things I did and decisions I made in the past. And it just pissed me the fuck off. There's been a few points in my life that the more politically correct will refer to as "turning points" but which I like to call "shit hits the fan moments". And boy have I made some bad calls in my time. How the fuck many bad decisions can person make at just the start of his life? I hear you ask, too fucking many I'll tell you that.

Sure you're supposed to learn from your mistakes and generally I do, but that doesn't mean I enjoy thinking about them. Most of the time people make decisions out of a whole range of choices. But once in a while a big piece of shit comes hurtling towards the fan, and you got just two choices. Yes or no, for or against. And knowing that it could just as easily have been the other choice you made just makes it all the more painful doesn't it?

And crap dammit, I said yes when I really should have said get the fuck outta here you dumb mother fucker. And other times it goes the other way. And you know what's even worse? After you make a bad call and know you did, you try to rationalise it to make it jive. People call it cognitive dissonance, I call it goddamn pussy cop out. Ooh ooh I was under the influence. Ya that's right, you were under the influence of being stupid was what you were.

And other times I said, no thanks, when I really should have said hell yeah. Bad call dickshit, bad fucking call. And the macroscopic arrow of time means you've all the rest of your life to gnaw on your liver about it too. So that in the cold dark times of the night, you can take out memories of your very own personal hellhole and think about how you could have just walked away from it all but didn't.

Just like a dumb kid that likes to pick at his scabs, I enjoy picking at mine from time to time, just to see it hurt. And to rekindle the rage at how I got the wound in the first place. It's the kind of rage that lets you land a first round KO, that lets you put a round through a target downrange and what powers you through that last mile.

In the land of the free

2008-03-07T11:15:00.004+08:00

all is not well.

What is the issue, what is it this time? Too long to answer, why not ask what is not the issue? What is not dysfunctional, fucked up, broken down, sick, maim, dead or dying? Take a good long look around and you'll see that sadly, no much, not much at all.

What's wrong, why are you so upset? I don't know, why are you so content?

Wake up - Rage Against The Machine

Visit to Sacramento

2008-03-02T15:26:00.006+08:00

Took the bus out with a friend today to Sacramento (actually more like someone I met online), which is just 15-20 miles away from Davis. Long story short as usual, sight seeing in Sacramento. Went to the historical center of the city Old Sac., which is kept in a wild west-ish kind of setting. There was a railroad museum there, which bored me to tears, an awesome eating place called Joe's Crab Shack where the wait staff will burst into line dance for no reason whatsoever and a great store called the leatherworks where I got a leather jacket for $20. Woo hoo! You bet "woo hoo." Now I can look like Fonzie of Happy Days/Terminator in the jacket.Went to Capitol Building to check out the sights of the governing center for the state of California, saw the "governator's" office as well. No one in unfortunately.
Saw a big ass cathedral, just for the hell of it. Day of fun on a shoestring budget, more on flicker some photos I lazy to rotate, tilt your own head hor. Oh and the Korean friend I was with today was massively entertained by the fact that I can turn my Singaporean accent on and off at will. Though it took me a long time to turn it on at the first go, which scared me a little, thought I was losing it.

Amgen Tour of California Stage 2: Santa Rosa to Sacramento

2008-02-20T13:00:00.003+08:00

The bike race came through Davis around 1:40pm today. It was a pretty awesome experience to be there when the peloton sped through around central park. To be actually there to see the cyclists go by was a pretty special event.
The lead rider was a breakaway with an 8min lead on the main pack, in between there were lots of team cars and police coming through.There really isn't much to say if you're not into cycling just enjoy the pictures, I know I do. Next event coming up will probably be a weekend trip to the state capital of Sacramento.

Camping trip to Lake Amador

2008-02-19T04:14:00.006+08:00

Went on a camping trip with my housemates to a place called Lake Amador over the weekend. By my estimate its about the size of a regular sized reservoir in Singapore, but that's just my guess.While I am no stranger to camping, the weekend's experience has been a new one for me. Ever heard of the joke about Americans packing everything except the kitchen sink when going for holidays? It would appear to have more than a kernel of truth to that. Still, I for one am not complaining. I'm not so boneheaded that I'll scoff at the creature comforts of a gi-mongous tent, pillows, camp chairs, cold beers, propane stoves, barbecue, dish towels, cups, mugs, kettle, cutlery and running water.

The main point of the trip was not camping for its own sake, we were out fishing for all three days, not that we had much to show for it. Out of it all, we caught a 3 pound trout and that was it. But still the experience in itself was pretty awesome. I learned to fish with a spinning reel, which is the regular kind of fishing people do all the time back home as well as fly fishing, which is the kind you saw in the movie "A river runs through it. That's the one with a long flexible rod that you whip over you head several times to play out the line before casting it. In the course of it I also learned the difference between lures, bait, sinkers, floaters, spoons, spinners, flies, nymphs and the most important thing of all, how to cast a line without hooking oneself in various sensitive body parts.It would be good to get out to go fishing again, not to mention actually hooking something this time. In fact it might be fun to go fishing somewhere when I get back to Singapore. Of course back home the fishing demography is dominated by the local equivalent of rednecks, the uncles.
And at night we'll sit around the campfire warming our front ends while the back of our bodies froze in the winter air. We cooked ribs, hamburgers, hot dogs and all sorts of other meat and meat byproducts all guaranteed to get you killed faster than a gay at a republican convention.
For those interested I'll put up the rest of the photos on flicker. Today the 18th of February is another all-american holiday, President's day. (by american I really mean the United States of,. There being two continents of America and with almost two dozen nations with equal right to that appellation)The Amgen Tour of California is passing through Davis tomorrow, count on me being right there as the cyclists go by.

Pseudo-Spring and Chinese New Year

2008-02-12T10:10:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since the last post and installment of photos, the only reason being I'm lazy. That's a white-tailed kite you see above they werre almost made extinct in the 1930s and 40s due to egg collection and shooting. I took the picture out behind my apartment where there is a wide open field. These kites prefer open grassland and can often be seen hovering over a region looking for prey; a behavior unique to only a few raptor species.

Last week was chinese new years' I didn't do much except to go out for pizza with a few friends I've met here, they're students on exchange as well but from all over the rest of the world. Talking over dinner about how its like where we each come from is kind of the whole point of coming on exchange in the first place, but shockingly it's the first time in two months I've actually done it. Not counting hanging out with my american housemates everyday of course.

Officially it is still winter here, but slowly the weather is starting to turn, its been a whole week since it's last rained. The previous week was all sunny and cloudless. This has even fooled a few trees into sprouting early, well, they'll pay for it later. It's still snowing up in the mountains though I've not been back there since the trip a few weeks back. To tell the true I'm enjoying the warm spell here, warm being of course a high of 16 degrees. But when the sun is shining on your back and the wind isn't gusting too heavily it is really a comfortable time to be out and about.

Right now I'm taking three courses for this quarter that's going to end in March and after a week's break Spring quarter will start when I'll take another three courses. So far the pace has been rather brisk, but things have mostly settled down into a steady rhythm. I want to say the courses are easy to take here but that's not exactly true either, I find myself working about as much as I would otherwise back in Singapore if I were taking 4 modules in a semester. Actually it might just be that, just like every other quality I've noticed here, the standard deviation for intelligence in startlingly broad. I've met some really bright and outstanding students in class, but at the same time there are also some frighteningly dumb people. Same goes for looks, income, height, weight and most other qualities you can think of. It might just be that people from a smaller gene pool in Singapore have a tighter spread for these qualities statistically, while on the other hand here... Make me wonder how long it'll take for inbreeding depression to set in.

My place here should be getting another dog today, that's because one of my housemate's parents are going overseas and there's no one over there care for the dog. Taking a ride down with her tomorrow to feed her horses as well.

By the way the flowers are called Japanese Apricots. The bird is called a Western Scrub-Jay, they regularly bury nuts in the dirt or under a pile of leaves. When they're done burying, they'll carefully mark the spot with a leaf or twig so that they can find it later.

Living

2008-02-01T14:45:00.000+08:00

If philosophy has taught me to think about how things should be and history has taught me how things have been, then my sociology course this quarter is teaching me to think about how things are now and will be in the future.

We've all seen documentaries and heard, read or watched news reports on various problems going on in the world, be it internationally or locally. Individually these problems seem inexplicable and defy reason, "why would people do that?" We may ask ourselves. Perhaps that is because we lack the conceptual tools to look at things in a different way and break them down into various different components at work.

In the same way that physics looks at how nature works and how things fit together, sociology, to me at least, seems to be looking at how parts of the human community fit together and interacts. And maybe that's where we'll find answers to questions like why is there such gross inequity in the world, why are things they way they are and maybe even, how can we fix it.

"The world does not owe you a living," is a statement I've heard many times and have uttered a few times as well. It is a truism; it is a reminder that the world or rather the system we live in now is uncaring of our individual success or failures. Accepting that as it is, if individuals cannot count on the benevolence of the system to take care of them then neither should a person expect to be subjected to structures that systematically brutalises them.

Humanity hanging from a cross of iron

2008-01-31T12:38:00.000+08:00

Revisiting a topic covered by a post long time ago. Eisenhower, supreme commander of Allied forces during WWII, after the war served two terms in the Presidency, said some things that are still as relevant today as it was then regarding the arms industry.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.

This world in arms is not spending money alone.

It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.

The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities.

It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals.

It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement.

We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat.

We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people.

This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking.

This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron." -speech given to the American Society of Newspaper Editors

"In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the militaryindustrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together." -Farewell address to the nation

Week 5 Day 6: Sunny Day, A-okay

2008-01-29T11:52:00.000+08:00

Sunny winter day out here in Davis today. Took the camera out for a trip around the neighbourhood after school today. Spotted a hawk or an owl out back in the fields next to my apartment too.
Just to prove that it is winter here, the rubber on my watch started disintegrating, which if you know about space shuttle accidents is due partly because of cold weather. For the uninitiated

"When testifying before Congress, Feynman questioned a NASA manager with seeming innocence, focusing on the cold temperatures that the o-rings could be subjected to while remaining resilient (i.e., effective). The NASA manager insisted that o-rings would retain their resilience even in extreme cold. But Feynman managed to obtain a glass of iced water, and used it to cool a section of o-ring seal clamped flat with a small clamp he had purchased earlier at a hardware store.

After receiving repeated assurances that the o-rings would remain resilient at subzero temperatures, and at an opportune moment selected by Kutyna during a particular NASA slide-show, Feynman took the o-ring out of the water and removed the vise, revealing that the o-ring remained flattened, demonstrating a lack of resilience at 32 °F (0 °C), warmer than the launch temperature. " -Wikipedia

More photos here

British Airways

2008-01-28T01:47:00.000+08:00

Anybody still remember that old British Airways commercial that used to run on TV? Here's a quick reminder.

The only reason I'm bringing it up is that piece of music in the background, in one form or another, has been in almost all of the British Airways commercials I've ever seen. And they're not that common, so every year or few years a new one comes on TV and brings back some really good memories of childhood. Now that's the good kind of nostalgia and a remarkable piece of marketing too.

That said childhood as it is isn't the warm and fuzzy time it's made out to be by adults, that's a fantasy plastered over childhood trauma. The first decade is spent in a way not far different from a caveman on LSD. The nights are filled with scary shapes at the corner of the window. You don't dare to sleep with your feet over the edge of the bed cause the monster under it would grab you. You sleep curled up in a ball cause of scary dreams. The line between reality and the imagination is non-existent and any kind of coherent cognition is an illusion. Days are filled with confusing activities of little rhyme and no reason. And within that maelstrom of buffeting experiences and terrifying fantasies the mind clutches onto tiny pieces of memory that it can make sense of like a life raft of sanity.

By the by, the name of the song is the Flower Duet.

Here's the piece performed by two high school choir girls

Week 4 Day 7: First brush with snow

2008-01-23T06:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday on Martin Luther King day my roommates and I drove out 60miles into the mountains of the Sierra to have a day in the snow. As the elevation climbed it got colder and patches of the white stuff started appearing beside the road.
Well what can I say, it was fun. The fun of sliding down the sides of the slope on trash can lids is underrated. Check out the sledding here and here. You know that layer of frost on your ice cream tub when you take it out of the fridge? Imagine that, except it's everywhere, dirt, stone, leaves, trees. And it's initially poofy, but if you step on it and pack it down it becomes hard, smooth and slippery. And let's you go faster than any water slide you've ever taken.
And yes it is cold, colder than the proverbial witch's teat if I may say so. Ducks as usual seem immune to the miseries the weather inflicts on mortals.

Week 4 Day 5: Duck Sport

2008-01-21T12:02:00.000+08:00

This weekend is a long one, there won't be school on Monday because it's the birthday of an important character in American history, nein, not Washington. Martin Luther King's birthday, that's right "I have a dream" man. As one of the legacies of the civil rights movement of the 60s we now have a public holiday here in the States.

These few months is also duck season, which means hunters with a hunting license can go out to shoot a certain number of ducks, geese and other waterfowl at specific wild areas on select days.
For someone whose only prior experience with waterfowl hunting has been the "duck season, rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season" Loony Tunes routine on TV this has been something to think about.On one hand there seems to be something a little wrong in taking pleasure in killing. While Mallards and the other ducks being hunted are by no means endangered and Canadian geese in some areas can in fact be a pest, blowing a bird out of the sky for sport seems a little off to me. Culling birds is one thing, slaughtering for food is another, though the physical act may be the same, deontologically speaking they are very different.
On the other hand the ducks do make for some very good eating. Now food is food is food and I have no qualms being as Heinlein said, "brother to the butcher"."... the man who buys meat is brother to the butcher. It was squeamishness, not morals, like the man who favours capital punishment but is himself too "good" to fit the noose or swing the axe."
-Revolt in 2100, Robert A. Heinlein
And that's referred to as consequentialism, if you eat what you've hunted then there's nothing wrong with it. Whether you got it from the supermarket frozen or you plucked and clean it yourself is just a technicality.
Now it seems to me whether you are indulging your bloodlust while pulling the trigger is very much a personal issue. Yes it does take some level of aggression but then so does any contact sport you see on TV. More importantly, we all know what familiarity breeds, and it's conceivable that killing animals regularly might just breed a contempt for life in general. Whether this has a more significant effect than violence in media is debatable, I'm leaning towards no. Why? I felt no squeamishness handling and opening up a dead duck on my first encounter with them. If you know me, you'll know it takes more than any innate macho-ism of mine to do that.

Well hopefully I'll get to go on a hunting trip one of these days and will be able to give a more detailed account of the process. And yes, I am holier-than-thou.

Week 4 day 3: First sign of frost

2008-01-19T06:24:00.000+08:00

This is the end of the second school week, which just went by faster than I expected. Things are starting to pick up around here even if I'm only taking three classes.

Walked out the door today into another cloudless winter day, and just to prove it really is winter I spotted the first sign of frost on the fields of school today. First time I've seen it since I got here anyway. The pictures aren't the best in the world, mostly because I took it from my phone and I did it while attempting not to appear conspicuous. The white stuff around the edges is the frosting. These were taken around 9 in the morning, the sun had been up for a few hours by then, but the field was in the shadows so that probably explains why they were still around.

That said, it's very rare for Davis to get snow, it's just too low and far south for that to happen. It's pretty much on the boundary of the snowline. But it still gets plenty cold enough I'll tell you that.

I have a lecturer with a Hungarian accent for solid state physics this quarter, the only reason I bring this up is because he is probably one of the best lecturers I've ever encountered. Content wise he may not be right at the top, but he sure gets full marks for delivering the lesson. The fellow comes into class everyday with a pack of mini chocolate bars and tosses them out to anyone that asks or answers a question. He makes an effort to remember everyone's names when they respond, which partially explains why my name ended up on the black board (yes, black, requires chalk) a couple days back. The best part of all is that he comes to class armed with a whole bunch of funny stories, both scientific and silly. The latest ones include stories of Tucks armed with Damascus swords (cool stuff, look it up) conquered Hungary, scattering experiments off his face, probe resolution of feet and how his grandfather shook Hitler's hand.

While you may roll your eyes when you hear the story do keep in mind that this is a classroom. When was the last time you heard laughter coming out of a classroom? (Exclude your hot kindergarten teacher please) I'm telling you, this guy would not starve as a stand-up comedian. Plus this guy puts my two favourite things in the same place, comedy and physics. (There are actually a few other things that I really like, but doing them in a classroom is likely to get a person arrested.)

Week 3, Day 5: Ikea R Us

2008-01-14T13:58:00.000+08:00

Went out to get a bunch of furniture for my room. Unlike back home, renting the room in Davis means exactly that. The room. I'm lucky I got a bed, a bedside table and a standing room lamp that came with the room. And yes the room has no ceiling light.

The past week and a half I've been operating out of a suitcase. Well to be exact working on top of a suitcase. But now that I've got a decent table and chair for the room things are really coming together. So I think now's as good a time as any to show the what the rest of my awesome apartment looks like. Sans the occupants, that comes separately.

Hallway with dartboard, glowey thing on the right is a "somekind-of-ponics" to grow spices and herbs from.

Comfy couch, with blankets to puppy-proof it.

Big ass TV mounted on the wall, with DVD collection, cable and Xbox.

That's the kitchen right there.

Week 3 Day 4

2008-01-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

Went to the farmer's market in downtown Davis today with my roommate Victoria. Here's a few links, one is for photos the other is for a folk band video at the mart. I have a life dammit, I can't be typing and posting all day.

Until next time, I'm in California, sucks to be you. (except you, you're ok =) ).

Week 2 Day 7: Kings' Game

2008-01-09T15:28:00.000+08:00

Went out this evening to my first ever NBA game. My roommate Rich got tickets to the Sacramento Kings game as a xmas gift so he brought my other roommate, another friend and I to the game today.

Had loads of fun there at Arco Arena even though I'm not a basketball fan, or a sports junkie in general. It was great just to be there, big crowd, fancy dancers, freebies and crazy sales ads during the timeouts and halftime, good game-the Kings won. I'll tell you something they take their sports games seriously here in the States, in almost everywhere else the competition is focused on the players. Say soccer for example, the teams are the stars, the spectators are just that, they watch. If they don't enjoy the game, tough. But the football and basketball games I see here are focused more on the crowds in the stands and the people watching the game on TV. There's loads of things going on to keep the crowds entertained when there's nothing going on with the game, either a time out or a break between quarters. It reminds me more of the gladiators of the Roman Empire than the Olympic participants of Ancient Greece.

There's a sense that the sport is more for entertainment than a true competition of human spirit. That said, other games can stand to learn a thing or two from this. I mean come on, I don't care what game you're play, if there are hot dancing girls involved that's got to be a crowd puller right there. That's bums on seats people, bums on seats. You just don't say no to that sorta thing.

Week 2, Day 5

2008-01-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

Two days after a major storm I'm back in the apartment again. The worst of the storm hit on Friday morning taking out the power in most parts of Davis, my roommate Victoria and I spent most of the day in the apartment reading and bumming around with no power and worse, no heat. Luckily Rich's family lives nearby and we took a ride up to his place for the night. Storm of the decade it looks like from what I see on TV. Anyway whiles it's good to have friends, it's even better to have friends that have other friends.

Here's a view from the patio of my place taken this morning, the clouds have cleared and the sun is out again. There's another storm coming over the next few days if I'm not wrong but shouldn't be anything as bad as what we had last week. Tomorrow is the first day of school at UCD, should prove to be an interesting day.

New term picked up today. Mushin: which translates literally into no-mind. It is the absence of conscious deliberation of the self and the surrounding when performing an action. It's usually used in the discussion of martial arts but the idea can be applied to other activities as well.

"The mind must always be in the state of 'flowing,' for when it stops anywhere that means the flow is interrupted and it is this interruption that is injurious to the well-being of the mind. In the case of the swordsman, it means death. When the swordsman stands against his opponent, he is not to think of the opponent, nor of himself, nor of his enemy's sword movements. He just stands there with his sword which, forgetful of all technique, is ready only to follow the dictates of the subconscious. The man has effaced himself as the wielder of the sword. When he strikes, it is not the man but the sword in the hand of the man's subconscious that strikes."

It is a very Zen kind of concept I think and is most appealing -to myself anyway- because it emphasizes self-mastery and self-control while at the same time give up the very thought of the ego in the performance of the act. Perfection

Week 2 Day 2

2008-01-04T12:11:00.000+08:00

It's a couple days into the new year, things have been going well. I moved into my new permanent place on new years day and got to meet two of the friendliest people I've known since I got here. Got settled in here at a beautiful home that honestly, beats any other dorm I've ever been in hands down. The two of them have a really lovable puppy that likes lick anything that moves, or anything that doesn't for that matter. The busstop to school is just outside the place I'm staying at, so even though I'm right on the outskirts of town I can still get to school pretty easy. Plus check it out, as long as I have a UC Davis student card, all the bus rides are free. That's right, not concession, free. I pity the fool that has to pay money to take the bus, I do. I pity the fool.

Classes will be starting from next monday, pretty slack timetable right now, taking only three courses when the average is four. That should leave me a lot of time to wander around and explore the place somemore. Been coming across a quite a few exchange students from other parts of the world, will be seeing more of them tomorrow at an orientation session for all of us.

Gas here costs about US$3.40 per gallon which converts back home to about S$1.35 per litre. Sure it's cheaper than back home where it's 2 dollars a litre, but if you need to cover as much ground as they do here, 1.35 is plenty expensive.

Bunch of Quacks at UCD

2007-12-31T10:21:00.002+08:00

Went out today expecting all the stores to be closed out in downtown, to my surprise many of them were open, especially the big chain stores like Gap and Borders. Say what you will about big corporations (and I do) but being able to travel halfway around the world and find something utterly similar and familiar does have a comforting effect of its own.

Today is the first time in a few days when the sun is out again, the weather was considerably warmer though a good breeze can still numb the face and hands. Walked over to the campus which is just next to downtown Davis later in the afternoon to check out the places where I’ll be having lessons in the week after next. To my great fortune I ran into a friendly family who were touring the campus as well. I joined them for a walk along the lake in the campus and got to learn a bit more about Davis and its wildlife in the meantime. Saw a whole bunch of Mallard ducks (those with green necks) and wood ducks (brown ones) as well as a few white ones that looked like those ducks you see on a farm. I get the impression that the ducks are to the lake what monkeys are to Pierce reservoir back home. They’re pretty used to people, will come to you for food and there’s more of them there than you can shake a stick at. Not that I would recommend shaking a stick at a duck under any circumstances. Those beaks look like they can take a finger right off.

Day 3

2007-12-29T15:43:00.001+08:00

I've been here in Davis for 3 days now, finally starting to get use to the place. The first two days were a little depressing, wasn't too used to the weather plus didn't know where the hell was everything and what to do. Interacting with people was another hurdle to get over, but I'm getting better at it all the time.
Tiny differences emphasize all the more how far I am away from home. Like the fact that people drive on the other side of the road here, not a big issue at first sight, but to someone who is used to scanning a specific section of the road when he looks right and then looks left it is a big difference. After the first few times I thought traffic was clear I turned around just in time to see a car bearing right down on me, I started whipping my head back and forth wildly just to keep from getting run down. These things and the fact that my whole body is never totally warm at any one time made for a depressing first two days.
Things started looking up when I discovered the fact the this city has wireless access all over the place. Initially I thought I had to hang out at the school library to do that, then I discovered my hotel had free wireless service too. Apparently it's all over town. Being able to get back in touch with people back home anytime helped a lot in getting me out the door in the mornings. That and the hunger mainly.

Food here costs a lot. And I mean, a lot, a lot. But I'll tell you something, they sure don't skimp on the portions. Out of the three meals I've had at restaurants so far, I've only been able to totally finish one, and that was the sushi I ordered. Although the city is small in comparison with home it has everything I could ask for here. And on top of that, everything is within walking distance. From end to end it's about 8km, I haven't walked so much in a day since I was back in the army. And I've never sweated so little while outdoors, ever.
Right now I'm staying in a hotel in downtown Davis. That's right, downtown. That said, none, and I mean none, of the buildings in the city are above the tree line. What a stark contrast with the concrete jungle of home. Even though it is winter and the trees are bare, the place has a beauty all of its own. Squirrels are common even in the city center, beautiful birds and flora populate the lawns and front yards of many houses here. Although the people here are very friendly, I greatest fear is to unknowingly commit a major fuax pas and have everyone stare at me.

One last note before I go, I get plenty of TV channels in the hotel room. Most of them doing reruns of old TV programs I grew up with, so far I've caught Friends, Seinfeld and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on TV.

Besides the familiar I also get the local news, that is to say the local national news, not the local "local" news of Davis. Recent events making headlines around the world is the assassination of Pakistani opposition leader Bhutto. BBC and most other major news sources would deal with the event as it relates to Pakistan first and how it affects the world second.

Here Fox news and CNN deals with the assassination by airing the statements of presidential candidates and what they think/exhort/demand should be done about/to/with Pakistan. It seems strange how an event that occurred halfway around the world can be presented solely through the lens of local politics. It's like the rest of the world only exists within the discourse of US politics. Of course it is strange only to the extent that I was raised in a place where world events drove local politics and am now in a place where the converse in true.

H minus12 hours

2007-12-25T21:19:00.000+08:00

With less than half a day to go before the big op to the US everything is finally settled and good to go. Tomorrow morning just need to stuff the last few items into the bags and I'm off.

The immediate concerns are in place now. Though long term operational needs have yet to be secured. Airlift tomorrow is scheduled at 0915, with an 18 hour transport phase followed by a low altitude orbital insertion into San Francisco. From there local ground transport will convey personal and equipment to a predisposed temporary safe house in Davis.

Once a permanent base of operations is established, will initiate deep-cover inflitration into the local township.

All clowning aside, I am pretty excited to be going off on my own for 6 months. Things should be pretty fun once I get settled in there. The scary part is the initial period of time where I need to get used to living there I think.

But its not like I'll be living in Grozny for half a year, besides after two years in NUS it may not be a bad thing if it came to that. There’s nothing wrong with NUS but after a while the mind blanks out the familiar parts and you don't see things as well anymore. Don't know what I mean? Have you ever been in the shower and been thinking of something else while showering? Then suddenly you come back and think to yourself, "wait a minute, haven't I already washed my face?" Well that's a bit like being in the same place for too long, you stop seeing things in front of you. Plus I get more racist, intolerant and basically vicious to anything that invades my circle of familiarity. When the main point of distinction is an accident of geography and time, I hardly think knee-jerk responses are adequate for drawing lines between us and the "other".

Like Ishmael of Moby Dick fame said and I paraphrase, “whenever I feel like stepping off into the street and knocking the hats off of peoples' heads, I go out to sea." So I think maybe it’s time for me to go hunt my white whale.

That said, leaving friends, family and loved ones behind is never easy. I never really understood the term,” ties that bind” until I have to go. Things that should be said are left unvoiced and harsh words said in a heated moment are all that’s left.

Altogether now

2007-12-17T01:48:00.000+08:00

Several interesting things to talk about today, so I decide to lump them altogether.

Musing 1: You know you're in a super-supermarket when you see somebody with bras in their shopping basket while walking around in the fresh fruits section.

Musing 2: Putting blue neon lights under your street racer wannabe car is cool. Putting blue neon lights under your furniture delivery truck is stupid.

Highlights of the week 1: "Greek Masterpieces" exhibit at the National Museum, well worth the time. Very helpful guided tours on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 10am and 4pm. Look out especially for the busts of holy trinity of philosophy, Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. Unless you go to Paris, this may well be the only time you'll get to see art work from the time when Alexander the Great was out conquering the (known) world. Major steal at only $8.

Highlights of the week 2: Xiaomin's back in Singapore.

Upcoming events 1: Leaving Singapore on the 26th of this month for US, will return in almost exactly 6 months.

Upcoming events 2: Class chalet at Changi

Weather forecast: Continued warming in the foreseeable future with ice-free arctic summers within the next ten years. Temperature, +0.5 degrees above average.

Trip to Pulau Ubin

2007-12-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

Just returned from an excellent day-and-a-half excursion to Pulau Ubin. Keke and I stayed overnight there at a chalet called Kampong Ubin in the southern end of the island. Yes, while it has been raining enough to drown ducks lately that is no impediment to having fun and seeing the wildlife when you are not afraid of getting either wet or dirty.

The tale of our intrepid adventurers begins at an ungodly hour on a Tuesday morning, just after a new dawn rose over suicide-inducing gray sky. Outside a thin mist drifts through the trees as the still morning air is broken by birdsong. Fast forward two hours, breakfast, bus ride, cab ride, ferry ride, and we are checked into the chalet and ready to go exploring.

The interior of the compound is extremely tamed; it’s like mainland resorts even. The only thing out of place is the few black dogs that roam about freely in the resort (and chew up people’s shoes in the night when they go to sleep, bastards). The bike rental there wasn’t open yet so out the gate our two protagonists traipsed. Along the way to the Ubin village we climbed up the highest point of the island and looked over a huge abandoned quarry/lake. Does anyone else besides me have an insane voice in the head that goes, “jump! Come on, jump over!” Every time they look over the edge of a cliff? On the way back down, spotted one the many interesting sights to come, pitcher plants! Whole vines of them clinging to neighbouring shrubs. Not that they did any good that I could see, still plenty of mosquitoes around.

On the way to the village we also spotted some flimsy looking mushrooms, look if you’re going to put this little effort into growing you might as well give up. Further on, there was an open view of another quarry close to the water surface, saw lots of egrets (I think) nesting on the remains of trees in the quarry. The feeding there must be pretty good for them to spend so much time hanging around doing nothing.

The rest of the day after lunch was spent on bikes in the on-again-off-again rain, pedalled where we could and pushed where it got too treacherous or steep. We were headed towards Chek Jawa when we came across this totem of a more innocent time.

Check Jawa has changed a lot since the last time. The place has a visitor’s centre now and a mangrove boardwalk with a 20m tall viewing tower in the middle of it, from the top of which you can see, absolutely nothing. On that day anyway. Aside from assorted little crabs and mudskippers there wasn’t much to see. Saw a huge monitor lizard and a salamander with a glossy head but didn’t manage to get them on camera. The coastal boardwalk was where we really hit the jackpot; saw a whole lot of creatures, fiddler crabs, shrimps, herons, bald sea eagles, kingfisher and various shelled creatures, which according to keke makes for good eating over a fire.

Now this here is the room we were staying in, not! It’s actually a house built overlooking Chek Jawa during the colonial period. Now you can say what you will about colonialism but those clowns sure knew how to build a sweet looking house.

After a day of being rained on and bitten by bugs we got back to the chalet for dinner (pretty decent) by the enclosed lagoon. The lagoon is full of fish (artificially introduced) some of them pretty huge, which in poor light can actually look like *ahem* Dugong.

That night the sky cleared enough that we were able to stargaze along the shore, haven’t seen so many stars in a long time. Orion, the hunter and the Canis dogs were very, very clear in the sky. We also saw Auriga the charioteer, Taurus the bull, Cassiopeia the queen and Perseus. Mars was up and so were the Pleiades star cluster and the Orion nebula.

Of course no trip is successful unless there’s a stupid incident that we can look back and laugh on. Got up the next day and found both our shoes missing, suddenly the yelping dogs from the night before made sense. Found the shoes in the bushes nearby, chewed on, ripped and slobbered on. Found that is, all except for one of mine, which was never recovered. Now it is said, that on nights when the moon is full, you can still hear the eerie “clop, clop, clop” of the single abandoned shoe left behind, haunting the wilderness of the island and searching for a black dog’s ass to kick.

Dream Car: Tesla Roadster

2007-12-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

Acceleration time: 0-97 km/h in under 4 seconds

Top speed: electronically limited at 201 km/h

Range: 394 km

Weight and distribution: about 2700 lbs (1220 kg), centered in front of the rear axle

Rear wheel drive

Mileage: 4.77 l/100 km

And best of all? It's a full fledged electric car, doesn't take up a single drop of oil. It's not clunky, it isn't slow and it doesn't die on you halfway through your drive. Forget hydrogen cars and hybrids and other half-hearted, half-assed feel-goods. This is on the market and this is on the market now.

Far be it for me to have product placements here on the blog, but this is an exceptional kind of product. Tesla motors

Arguments for gayism

2007-11-19T13:36:00.000+08:00

This post is a product of several bull session and serious discussions I've had with friends over the last few months, my personal opinion on homosexuality in society has always been towards the "sure, why not" side. I put this down so that it might help point out a few blindspots you and I might have. Here's why

Most of the arguments against homosexuality in society or homosexuality anywhere for that matter come in 3 categories, it's unnatural, religiously speaking it's wrong and it's harmful to society in some way or another. The first two doesn't hold water and the third one has a few gapping holes in it.

The "unnatural" argument usually comes in two forms. 1) we are not built to be gay, doing that is against nature. 2) Animals in the wild are not gay, it's against all of nature. Hence we shouldn't do it. The "naturalness" of a kind of behavior cannot be a definitive deciding factor in its acceptability in human society. Why not? Because it can go either way, Unnatural acts can be both acceptable and unacceptable, the same goes for natural acts.

For 1) we do unnatural acts that are against the evolutionary design of our bodies all the time. Science is inherently unnatural, it's a human development. Walking upright? Not a good idea with the body structure we've got. Going to have your boobs done, your face Botoxed or your flab steamed off. Natural? I think not. And as for 2) Chimps sometimes kill their young, socially acceptable? I'm going to have to say no. Very tempted to say yes for some cases. But really no.

And as for argument from divine scripture. Hah! I hardly think religious scripture is in any position to talk about socially acceptable behavior. By scripture, I refer to the 3 more pushy monotheistic ones. I'm not really sure what is Buddha's stand on all these, but my guess is he's not really too worked up about it. The counter-argument is really a well-worn one. The "BOOK" (whichever version you are using) says a lot of things, modern day religion cherry picks the ones that are palatable to us and pushes that line. The ones that are really crazy, they tend not to talk about as much, and if you point those out, they get all huffy and stuff. For example,
Don't kill people. Good.
Don't cheat. Good.
Respect your elders. Very Good.
No other religion but mine. Goo... wait a minute.
If you have daughters you can kick their asses. What? No! Get the fuck outta here you nut.

Need I go on? So I, as a matter of sanity do not base ethical decisions on scripture. There are people who do, we call those people fundamentalists. And there are those that take what they like and leave what they don't, we call them inconsistent. What is really strange is the disproportionate amount of regard we ascribe to what religious experts say on morality. Why invite some priest or abbot to a discussion on ethics or morality? Wouldn't an ethicist or a philosopher be just as good, if not better? Maybe because unlike a religious panel, a panel of philosophers would not have the audacity to claim they know the answer to everything.

I'm sorry that was a cheap shot. Moving on.

Last but not least homosexuality shouldn't be allowed because they are a threat to our social fabric. How exactly? The closest thing to an explanation I've ever heard is that if we make homosexuality acceptable then people are going to want to fuck you in the ass and that's not good. This is a caricature argument but you know what I mean, it's always something like this or another.

The only reason we are convinced by this is that we are confusing different groups of people. Just like there are sane straight people, insane straight people and criminal straight people, there are and will be, sane gays, insane gays and criminal gays. The person that wants to rape you in the ass? That's a criminal gay person and we treat him like our regular straight rapist, we put him away. The guy that whips out his tool and starts jerking off on a bus? That's an insane gay person, and we do what we do with regular straight insane people. We look away and get off at the next stop. But for every nut, there are many, many more normal people, gay or straight.

This one is a real classic, we shouldn't do it because we are a conservative society and people won't stand for it. This is really a disgraceful argument, normative and positive. Positive: the way things are right now, nuclear war is a real possibility. Normative: Nuclear war is a real possibility, we should have nuclear war. You do not and cannot use a positive statement to justify a normative one. The way things are now is not a good argument for how things should be (you stupid motherfucker).

That's the end of the argumentation part. Some of the arguments I knocked down are really strawman positions, they are artificial and blatantly wrong. They are set up to be knocked down (hence the word strawman). But you'll be surprised how many seemingly sophisticated arguments against homosexuality are really couched in those terms. All these really just constitute yuck statements,"Boo! I don't like it, so it's wrong. Blahg". Good for talkcock sessions but not a rational argument, I don't think.

It's frequently remarked that people that make all these objections offer "no real solution to the problems." This really just translates into, "you offer solutions, but I don't like them."

Accept it.

And now inspiration from another source

2007-11-18T16:41:00.000+08:00

Catullus 85. Catullus was a Roman poet in the first century BC.

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why I do this, perhaps you ask.
I know not, but I feel it happening and I am tortured.

And now for some hahas

2007-11-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

Nothing much today, just a clip that reflects how I **** sometimes. Being emotionally crippled means you can't talk about your feelings without the sensation of being raked over hot coals.

2007-11-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

Loathing tightly coils
obsidian cold and cruel.
Escape thence in dreams

Was Niels Bohr an asshole...

2007-11-07T17:35:00.000+08:00

or was he just plain wrong a lot.

Niels Bohr if you remember was one of the early founders of quantum theory, he was the first to produce a crude orbital model of the atom that could explain the spectral lines of hydrogen and he subsequently went on to make numerous contributions to quantum theory for which he received the Nobel prize in 1922.

On the flip side he was really quite an asshole when it came to others' work in the field. The following is an extract from Griffiths' "Introduction to Elementary Particles."

"It is interesting to note that Bohr was an outspoken critic of Einstein's light quantum (prior to 1924), that he discouraged Dirac's work on the relativistic electron theory (telling him, incorrectly, that Klein and Gordon had already succeeded), that he opposed Pauli's introduction of the neutrino, that he ridiculed Yukawa's theory of the meson, and that he disparaged Feynman's approach to quantum electrodynamics."

Yes it is indeed interesting to note that even in a field that encourages new ideas and an open mind that there will always be people that slip through the cracks.

Losing sight of the big picture

2007-11-02T22:10:00.000+08:00

Politicians think they are Economists.
Economists think they are Social Scientists.
Social Scientists think they are Psychologists.
Psychologists think they are Biologists.
Biologists think they are Organic Chemists.
Organic Chemists think they are Physical Chemists.
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists.
Physicists think they are Mathematicians.
Mathematicians think they are God.
God...ummm...so happens that God is an Astronomer.

---Vinay Kashyap (of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics)

I met up today with my old junior college physics teacher after he sent me an unexpected message this morning. The debate between going for lessons, studying for a coming test and taking up his offer took an agonizing 5minutes in bed to resolve.

He’s working at MOE now so he sort of has a “backstage pass” the C.N. Yang conference going on this week. Yang is the guy that lends his name to Yang-Mills theories which are a class of theories that unify and describe the fundamental forces of our world. Today’s session was held at HC institute in conjunction with the main event held at some really swanky hotel down at Clark Quay. So we listened to a bunch of speakers give talks on various areas in physics, public lecture stuff nothing too fancy.

While content wise it wasn’t terribly informative, it did make me reflect on what I’m doing now. It’s been almost two and a half years since I started doing physics in university, the initial excitement has died down and now I find myself bogged down with more and more short-sighted issues, this test, that assignment, the daily grind that while necessary tends to blind me to why I’m doing it in the first place. What do you want to do after you graduate? Research. What area are you interested in? Quantum field theory. These responses have become like a mantra that I recite, just like if you keep saying your own name over and over after some time it loses meaning and becomes just a noise to you. I needed to take them out and take a hard look at them again today.

I’ve become so numbed to the process of getting educated that I’ve forgotten why I’m putting myself through the whole thing. At some point it became more a drag than a fascination. It is true that aptitude and interest drives each other in a feedback loop, if you’re good at something chances are you’ll like it more then you’ll spend more time on it and be even better at it and so on. But when you run up against a wall where your brains just aren’t cutting it anymore, surely you need something else to motivate you. I guess today really reminded me of what made me interested in physics in the first place. How does it work, why it goes that way and figuring out stuff in general.

It’s so, so, so very easy to get absorbed with knowing how to evaluate a integral with a fancy trick or making bras and kets do back flips through hoops or to remember to carry the factor of half and dotting the i, that the big picture gets lost. Why am I doing this? What does this tell me? Yes, so be it that we need to know how to use a screwdriver to build a plane, but I think it’s important not to lose the plans to the plane and have just a really impressive electric screwdriver in the end.

(Note to self: And stop disparaging chemistry and engineering people, that their work does not involve ridiculously small or big bits of matter that nobody can see does not make their work any less significant than yours.)

Hedgehog's Dilemma

2007-10-24T19:08:00.001+08:00

...is a parable of hedgehogs that need to huddle together to keep warm, but also run the danger of hurting each other if they get too close.

People for some reason feel a need to find companionship, but easily gets hurt when they let their guard down. The pain of human loneliness has to be balanced with the aggravation and irritation of human interaction. Is it a surprised then that people hide behind walls they spent their lives building up?

...do to you what oil companies are doing to drivers

2007-10-21T14:07:00.000+08:00

"We should respect a man's religion. To the same extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children are smart." -some person

Ever had a discussion or debate with a person, only to have him pull the "God" argument on you? In case you don't know what I'm talking about, it usually goes like this.
You: ...surely it can't be this way, blah blah blah, if that were so then ....
Other: Because God/Gods/Aliens willed it to be so. (or some similar variant of it)

That totally kills an argument doesn't it, it's like the tactical nuclear weapon for all discussion, it just kills everything in sight and out of sight too for that matter. Well if your are like me and you hate getting a rational discussion nuked then it's time to get metaphysical on their asses.

Let me introduce you to a friend of mine, Descartes' (pronounced: they-cart) hyperbolic skepticism, or otherwise known as I-think-therefore-I-am-(muthafucker!), the last bit is optional. The short version is this, we all have experienced illusions before, when our senses deceive us, things that we think are one are actually something else. When we sleep and dream our brains are fed totally weird data, but we know that to be illusions. Now how do you know your senses are not being deceived all the time? If can't be sure then all that you think you know must be suspect, hence you can be sure of nothing. Nothing, expect the fact that you are thinking (at least I assume you are) hence-> Cogito, Ergo Sum: I think, I am.

This then is the death star of all arguments, please use it sparingly. If you think the above reasoning is weird, well at least it's more sound than, "a voice in my head tells me so".

Went jogging at the reservoir today, all the monkeys were out in force by the road with their attendant human gawkers. Fair enough I guess, it's not often that monkeys get to see humans in their natural environment.

Why it’s not good enough

2007-09-26T14:34:00.000+08:00

“How should I live?” is a question that most people would have grappled with at one time or another. Not just careers and whatnot, but every act performed, reacted to, beliefs adopted and even thoughts. Any contemplation on events can ultimately be traced back to the basic question, “is this right?” And in every thought or deed, the fundamental directive must be,” Do the right thing”.

Of course I can always say, “What need have I to stick to such a rigid system? Why can’t I be free to live as I wish and act as impulse dictates?” Of course I can, but there is a big difference between i) having the ability to choose between the ‘righteous’ and ‘free-and-easy’ way and choosing the latter, and ii) having no choice at all and being forced to live the ‘free-and-easy’ way. If I truly value freedom as I claim then I must at least know what is the ‘righteous’ alternative, if only to reject it as too restrictive once I do. So we are agreed, we must know what the right thing to do is.

But what is the right thing, and what makes a thing right? Let’s start by saying all of us have the freedom to choose any set of guiding principles (axioms if you will), and applying these rules/axioms to events determines their “rightness”. This may seem intuitively obvious, but I find it clarifying to explicitly state this. I can always adopt the most seemingly ridiculous of rules to guide my decision making, then actions that are unacceptable to conventional mores will be “right” to me. The axiom, “always look out for yourself” is an obvious example and we can all see the benefits and pitfalls of it.

So let’s skip a few steps and assume that I already have a set of axioms and I am going to use it to make a decision. The choice is as follows, one is the right choice (as determined from my set of axioms) and the other is what I really want to do (by intuition or maybe just the easy way out, say). If I do the right thing, then all is well and there is nothing more to discuss. But if I do the alternative, then I must admit one of two things, either what I’ve done is not right or my set of principles needs changing, adding to and/or subtracting from.

If I bite the bullet and admit the mistake in judgement, then I just need to live with the mistake made. However, let’s say I wish to insist that I was right in the decision, which must mean that my set of principles is insufficient, or incomplete. So the question now is, “how do I go about changing it?” This begs the question, “how did I arrive at my initial set of axioms in the first place?” If I can answer this then perhaps I can know how to change my axioms.

Interlude

Before I do that, a possible objection should be addressed. Why would I want to explicitly list the set of axioms that I use? Everyone gets through life rather well presumably without such a cumbersome list in their heads that they check against every time they run into a decision to be made. Our ethical intuition works, and it works rather well most of the time, so why do I want to needlessly complicate matters by constructing this formalised structure to discuss our actions?

The point is exactly that, it works, but it only works rather well and only most of the time. The way we decide right and wrong is a partial black box, we know some of the rules by which it operates but the rest of the time we just put information in and decisions come out the other end without us knowing why. Unless we know just exactly how it works, it’s hard to make improvements to it. And unless we do that, every action we carry out and every decision made will always be questionable. At the risk of over-simplification, we cannot be just or upright when we don’t even know what justice is.

Our ethical intuition, when it does work, is just a kind of mental shorthand for us to decide what is right. We must know what the underlying reasoning is that allows us to arrive at this intuition. I.e. a theorem is of dubious value unless the derivation from axiom is known.

After the short diversion, we return to the original question, how did I get my initial set of guiding principles?

But now I find that time is short, and I shall continue this on another day.

Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

2007-09-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Been reading the news lately and after getting hit by bad news after bad news, this phrase from Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven" came to mind. It came to mind while I was in the shower which incidentally is where I do most of my contemplation.

The poem is basically talking about a man who lost his wife, constantly ask questions of the raven expecting, hoping for a positive reply, but all the raven ever says is a single work, "Nevermore." It's not a terribly obscure poem, but it is rather grim and scary. You can read the full version here. The tone of the poem is not that the person is eternally hopeful, trying again and again to coax a shred of hope from the raven. The raven is only a bird, and it speaks only a single word. He ask of it, would he ever see his wife again, is she in heaven, if it is a prophet. All the while knowing the response could only be negative. The entire tale is an illustration of how people constantly torment themselves, rationally we may accept a fact, but emotionally we just help but pick at it like a scab.

At times even looking at the headlines of the newspaper is like speaking to the raven, the frustration and helplessness I get from reading the news is no less than that from an irritatingly spooky bird. My brief description here hardly does justice to the poem, so if you got 5min go read it yourself.

If a person lives entirely in isolation, cut off from the rest of the world, does he have any need of the thing called justice. Just towards who? Then surely he can do whatever he wants, behave however he likes. If not, does it mean there is an objective entity called justice waiting to be discovered, like the rules of logic that are found, not invented, by people.

If there were no minds to think, does that mean there is no thing called logic? Does logic need to be practiced in order to exist?

War to the knife, knife to the hilt

2007-09-02T13:19:00.001+08:00

Holy crapola it's been a long time since the last post, school has been going on for about a month now. Things are really hectic, but in a good way, I find that the more busy I am, the less I tend to indulge in the more unsavoury habits I've picked up over time. The redeeming nature of productive work is not really a new idea in any case.

Went to a comedy club for the first time last Friday, that's the place that regularly invites stand-up comedians to perform. If you've ever watched Seinfeld, that's pretty much the picture. It was everything I thought it'll be like, great stuff there, but mostly Caucasians in the crowd and the comedians do mostly western oriented jokes, which is what I listen to anyway. By the by, the place is called 1nitestand.

It recently came to me during a math lecture nap that given the premise 1, “if p⊈R , then p⊂H” which states that if given persons p do not belong to some set R, religion, then persons, p, will go to H, hell. So, given {Socrates, Plato, Aristotle} ⊂p then ⇒{Socrates, Plato, Aristotle}⊂H. That being that case I have two questions, do they get to meet space aliens? And is there a eternal BBQ for heathen cattle?

Free Stuff

2007-08-15T21:06:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since the last post and much has happened since. School has, for instance, started again and the work is heavier than ever before, and I for some reason or another has taken to swimming like the proverbial fish. And even more recently I spent a night on Sisters' Island with a couple of friends, some old, some not so old.

These things, in and of itself, are all worthy of an entertaining tale or two. But come, let us speak of other matters, of more lofty and ethereal things. Let us then, turn our attention to free things we can get off this amazing by-product of scientific research that we call the internet.

Far more interesting than free porn or snappy beats, let us direct our pointy bits to this here patch of words with a line underneath it. Internet Archive, enter and be amazed, weighter than any chest of treasure and rarer than a honest politician, here is a collection of free books. That's right, tales and stories to dazzle and delight, entertain and provoke, all here absolutely free. What shall we have today. How about "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" by old man Twain himself? Or here's "A Journal of the Plague Year" by Daniel Defoe, or the old classic monster tale "Beowulf", I don't even know who wrote that one.

Read on, let your mind's eye be taken far and wide, behold wonders incredible and terrors unspeakable. But all the while despair, for no matter how far you travel, to your dying day never shall you reach that last tome, snap shut cover and say, "I have read all, and I know everything."

Last day of work

2007-08-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

Before returning to our regularly scheduled program, here's a short rant from our sponsors.

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Now if you'll look at the business end of the pickaxe, this is where the cutting edge technology really comes in. What you have here is an axehead not for hewing rock nor stone, but optimised for maximum skull-cracking efficiency. What you have is a carbide steel surface wrapped around tungsten core, not too much too weigh you down, but just enough to give you that extra ommph for blunt force trauma. Your carbide steel sheath is just the thing for polishing to a sharp cutting edge and hard enough to hold that edge for multiple stab wounds. You'll also notice that instead of a conventional flat blade on the other tip of the axe head, we have employed a double pointed axe head design. Now you can maim on both the down stroke and the return pull. If you look closely you'll also notice that the entire slicing surface is Teflon coated, not just for that extra smooth sinking in and recovery action but also to make sure that your axe will never tarnish from exposure to blood.

Now you have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to pay for a work of art like this? A life sentence? A death sentence? Or are you are the point where you just don't care? Then call now, operators are standing by."

And now we return you to our regularly scheduled program.

Today was the last day of internship at DSO labs, I can honestly say that I've never enjoyed working at anywhere else on anything else so much before. The people there are much nicer folks than I would have imagine before going there, and where the hell else can you go that has people that are willing to bring field theory down to a level you can understand and talk physics all day and when was the last time someone came up to you and said," hey come look at this, it's really cool." The work is simple enough that you can get the idea, hard enough to keep you interested and promising enough to remind you of science fiction level technology.

Good day up to the point when I have to experience the great public transport network of Singapore. Will you stop fucking already!! What, 6 billion people is not enough for you?

half-athalon

2007-07-28T12:33:00.000+08:00

"Warning, body parts in mirror may appear larger than they actually are."

Did 20km on the bike today. Took the old Thomson Rd pass Pierce reservoir then went up Upper Thomson all the way up to Sembawang Rd, and made to loop back through Lentor Ave. Almost missed the turn off at Sembawang, why? Cause I was relying on a 5yr old road map with gaps between the different maps on each page.

Cycling on the road is still as dangerous as ever, even with the glut of media coverage recently highlighting the issue. Most of the time it's not malicious of course, drivers simply neglect to check their mirrors enough, either that or they misjudge the speed cyclists are actually going at. That said, the fact that I've yet to be splattered is testament that enough people are actually awake while driving to keep the roads relatively blood-free.

Thomson Rd was still a bitch to cycle, more bumps than a teenager with the pox. There's pain, but it's a good pain. Coming back was a breeze though, literally, the wind was at my back and if there's enough traffic on the roads you kinda get pulled along in the slipstream.

Anyway how long does it take to get in shape anyway? "It takes a minimum of 6 to 12 weeks to see the effect of training, so don't become discouraged too soon." Sportsdoctor.com has a wealth of information about sports medicine and general health stuff. Don't get hurt.

That's all for today, there was going to be a funny story to round out today's post but I've forgotten what it was, another day perhaps.

Chris Rock:View on Love and Relationships

2007-07-21T15:04:00.000+08:00

Clip of Chris Rock performing standup. As funny as usual, but don't watch if you can't take strong language. It's comedy, lighten up already.

Mandelbrot Set

2007-07-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since the last post, some things have been weighing heavily on my mind. But in the mean time, here's some nice images I managed to get from running just a simple function on Mathematica.This is the famous (if you know about it) fractal set called the Mandelbrot. It's actually just a graph of a iterative function. The black parts are where the function converges. The coloured parts are where they diverge, the different colours indicates how many time the function needs to repeat before they diverge.
Lines are 1-dimensional, while flat surfaces are 2-dimensional, but fractals usually have a non-integer dimension between the two. Boggles the mind doesn't? The pictures are increasing closeups of the same object, the details are infinitely fine, as you zoom in on the edges, more and more new features will appear.
Fractals are not purely mathematical objects, geographically, coastlines can be modeled as fractals as well., Mountains, plants, clouds. So a question to ask is, why do nature form shapes in fractal forms? If things are made up of atoms and atoms are discrete, much like integer numbers, then at what point do the smooth dimensionality of crystals stop and fractal patterns begin. For the Mandelbrot Set and others like it, the pattern never disappears.

More Heinlein

2007-07-01T11:50:00.000+08:00

"... the man who buys meat is brother to the butcher. It was squeamishness, not morals, like the man who favours capital punishment but is himself too "good" to fit the noose or swing the axe."
-Revolt in 2100, Robert A. Heinlein

My take:
The passage above seems appropriate in a time when everyone wants the world to be better but don't wish to be the ones doing it. If your constant lament is the incompetence of the government, global warming, work environment or the various other injustice you are subjected to on a daily basis, why not take a step a correcting it in whatever area that you can? If you do feel as strongly about things as you claim, then why allow yourself to be victimised, or so you claim.

'A rational appraisal of the situation' is what we say to ourselves, but perhaps there is more than a little moral cowardice mixed in that? It is a great comfort when the logic of the situation supports what we are inclined to do in the first place. The ethical infancy that exists in our society is something we can no longer afford, or in fact condone. For every person that lives as he does solely because that is the way he has always lived, acts as she does because it is the only way she knows how and thinks the way they do simply because that's the way they have been told, the barrier in correcting those injustices grow higher. They are just so much dead weight that adds to the inertia of turning things around.

'It is folly for men to struggle against the fates', there are forces greater than us acting in our world, of that there is no doubt. Is it futile to act against them? Surely not, if that were the case, nothing would ever have been done. Perhaps it is easier to ride the storm and follow where it may take us. Easier? Perhaps. But is it right? Not necessarily.

I say, it is in the struggle that makes men great.

Blood for the Blood God

2007-06-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

Went to a blood drive today held in Science Park. After more than a year since the last blood letting, the gods are angry and must be appeased with yet another sacrifice. Got there just before they closed for the day, as they were clearing away the last few desiccated bodies left over from earlier today.

Since I am a repeat donor, instead of a one-time donor, they only took just under half a kilo of the red stuff. The one-time donors usually get to join the legions of the undead when they are done. There's a new plan they tried to foist on me while I was still faint from blood loss, something about selling your soul. I wanted to sign up for it, but didn't clear the medical check, said I didn't have one. Pbsht. Psychics, what do they know eh? So as I was leaving the place, big pink elephants started flying across the sky and Mr. Tickles, the fluffy bunny gave me a piggy-back all the way back to DSO.

Wow, what did they put in that drink?

What most people don't understand about blood donation is that it really is a transaction. On the surface, it may appear that you're just giving your blood away for two packs of biscuits and a Milo. Ah, but there's more to it than meets the eye (much like Transformers actually). While your blood is flowing out of you, what you don't see coming out of the bag and going the other way into you is a big whooping shot of feel-good. First of all you get a couple weeks worth of premium self-righteousness, what this does basically is to make you feel that you are superior to everyone else, and gives you the moral credit to cluck your tongue at inconsiderate people, give dirty looks to those that block your way and contemplate the brutal and violent slaying of idiots on public transport.

Next what it does is that it writes off all the snarky things you did for the past month, like cutting off another driver, horning that old lady crossing the road, spreading rumours that your colleague is gay or just simple things like running down that foreign worker cycling across the road at night. Well maybe not that last one, but it does make balancing the guilt account hell of a lot easier.

So what am I going to do with my karmic windfall? I'm going to be doing some serious girl-watching over the next few days. Time to switch off the content filter on that good ol' imagination. Oh spare me your righteous indignation, you go lose a pound of blood, then come and tell me how I should behave.

1 switch days

2007-06-26T18:44:00.000+08:00

Been some time since the last entry, as usual we’ll get the mundane out of the way first before going on to the less than usual.

I’ve been at the internship for close to a month now and things have settled down some kind of routine. My days are now characterized by 1-switch and 2-switch days. Let me explain. On the wall of my room are two switches, one for the lights and another for the fan. On days when I get back before the sun goes down, I enter my room and throw on the fan, and that’s a 1-switch day. On days when I get back after sundown, I turn on the lights too, so that’s a 2-switch day. There are also no-switch days, those are the days I get to go home.

Of course things are hardly as dull as that, melodrama just blogs well. In fact, there are hardly any 2-switch days, the only ones are when I choose to stay back on my own or had to do grocery runs after work. So mercifully most days are 1-switch days, when I’m given the dubious privilege of participating in the national sport of “public-transport-scrum-at-rush-hour.” 2-switch days also harbour the possibility of me staying out drinking till I’m fall down drunk, that hasn’t happen yet though. The folks at my lab all seem as sober as… well, as a very sober thing.

Someone at the lab did comment that the years he spent at university were those when he was at his intellectual peak. I guess after that you just don’t get as much intellectual stimulation; the upside of which is that you get to live longer (usually a good thing).

So work and startlingly weak humour aside we now go on to the ‘others’ part of today’s monologue. Outside of work, it’s been a great few weeks, heck even with work, it’s still a damn sight better than usual. The art festival had been going on for the past month (it’s over now. If you missed it, well, it’s your own damn fault isn’t it?) Been to a few of the performances, and at the same time found out quite a few interesting places and events that take place regularly.

For example, the Esplanade has a weekly jam session where people come together to play music, you are allowed to listen to the audio resources they have in the library for as long as you want (more fun with company) and the national museum regularly screens movies. Also, there are surprisingly many ways to walk to East Coast Park from various MRT station along the EW line (again company recommended). At the extreme east end of the park just before it joins up with the SAFRA bungalows there is a good place to camp, there’s a tall stand of conifers that is great for shade and they shed needles so that the ground feels like a carpet and it’s within spitting distance of the sea (though why you would want to do that is beyond me) so that takes care of the ventilation and the sights. The showers and toilet are quite far away, but a bicycle should cure that.

As a final note, I finally managed to get tickets to the King Lear play being put up by the Royal Shakespearean Company (the Brits basically) next month. Those tickets have been sold out for weeks, except for the $400 ones which are too costly even for my ability for self-deception to overcome. But somehow, one night a whole batch of seats were available, so long story short, I managed to snag one before they were all gone again.

Look I don’t think you understand the significance of this particular tale. King Lear, here, by the brits, Gandalf’s starring. It’s like Metallica coming to perform here with Lee Hsien Long playing bass, I don’t care who you are, you will want to watch that. Ok ok ok, look imagine this, it’s like you primary school principle getting up on stage and doing the Full Monty to the music of, say, Britney Spears. Got that? Good, now imagine the total opposite of that, yes that’s what I’m talking about.

Are you on the bounce?

2007-06-14T22:38:00.001+08:00

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
--Robert A. Heinlein

Heinlein was the guy that wrote "Starship Troopers", no, not the crap movie where everyone just runs around, shoots and dies painfully. The novel, where there's actually a very interesting technique that he makes use of, what is it called now... oh that's right, content. There's content in the book. Oh ya and he was the first science fiction author to make use of powered infantry armour, ala the space marines in Starcraft, in Warhammer 40,000 and tonnes of other sci-fi material since. Power armour, come on, it's worth reading the book just for that.

Actually the best parts of the book were the discussions on the fictional government in the story, which is a limited democracy restricted to those that have served in one way or another. There's a lot of emphasis on dealing with things "as are" rather than "as if", one scene that took place in the classroom leaves the strongest impression.
There was a discussion going on about the usefulness or uselessness of violence when one of the girls remarked, "my mother says violence never solves anything."
To which the teacher responded, "very good, why don't you tell that to the Carthaginians?"
"You're making fun of me, everybody knows the Carthaginians are dead."
"That's right, the Romans killed all of them, I think that pretty much solved the problem."

All this is from memory so it's not exactly verbatim. Anyway another theme that runs through the story is that the things that are important, like freedom and liberty must be earned, people that do no work for them do not cherish them. So that's all on "Starship Troopers", even though it was written almost 50 years ago, it's still worth a read today.

In other news, read this in a BBC article today, did you know that in many states in the U.S. you are allowed to drive at 15, die in the army at 17, buy a gun at 18 but can only drink alcohol at 21.

A human being should be able to ~~change a diaper~~, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet~~, balance accounts~~, build a wall, set a bone, ~~comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations~~, ~~analyze a new problem, pitch manure~~, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, ~~fight efficiently~~, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

Halfway through

Dys-ville

2007-06-07T19:13:00.000+08:00

I was running through some joke material in my head on the way back today (that's what I do to kill time) when the following occurred to me.

I pull a 10hr shift everyday that pays nuts, come back to a 1-bedroom apartment that leaks when it pours and 10 kids, none of which are mine, half of which are part ape. I have to put up with cooking so crap that bugs actually move away from it and apartment lighting that was borrowed from the Adams Family. Wow, I belong to a dysfunctional family. Surely I should qualify for some social welfare of some kind?

I didn't say it was a funny joke.

Roll in at 9, punch out at 5

2007-06-05T21:03:00.000+08:00

well, not really, but it sounds good.

Start my internship at DSO labs yesterday, it's gonna last two months till the start of August. Quite a number of my batch's people are also doing their internship in the building, the only problem is they're all in different departments, and I'm the only intern at the the lab I'm working at. You know what that means, afternoon naps become covert ops, can't use the office pc to surf net and other minor inconveniences, much like being stuck in a classroom come to think of it.
I think that's as much as I want to talk about the internship. This is because on the first day of work there was a security briefing which informed us in no uncertain terms that should we disclose any confidential information related to our work to the public, our ***** will be sliced off and fed to us. Not in those words exactly, but thereabouts. And since I am extremely fond of my various body parts and bodily functions that's all on work.

Been suffering from a Class II case of "I'm-not-feeling-well" since Sunday, Class I being the I don't want to go to school sickness and Class III being the I think I coughed up a lung disease. So fever, headaches, aching joints and the rest of the usual flu symptoms. But no worries, getting better, fever's broke, so hopefully no delirious dreams tonight. They tell you to get lots of rest when you're sick, but tossing and turning on a warm bed in the dark all night is not exactly great for your mental health. The dream-state is usually pretty well confined, but a degree of temperature more really makes for some vivid Technicolor nightmares.

And in other news

2007-05-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

Thanks for all the well-wishes, it means a lot, really.

Cycled to Upper and Lower Pierce Reservoir these two days, yesterday was upper, today was both. The way in is exactly at the junction of Yio Chu Kang Rd and Upp Thomson Rd, besides a whole row of coffee shops and prata stores.

The road leading to the two reservoirs is Old Upp. Thomson Rd. Very nice secluded road, feels a little like sealed roads on Ubin, with lots of vegetation on both sides of the road. The whole stretch of road is a series of very gentle ups and downs, perfect for doing interval training (minute rides). Then there's also the wildlife, more monkeys than you can shake a stick at, and they're quite used to humans, so much so that, those sitting on the road tend to give you a dirty look before moving out of your way. I tell you, cyclists don't get no respect from nobody. Lower Pierce is the easy one to get to, just a short way in to reach the place, very peaceful when I got there this morning, hardly anyone around there and the paths are lined with flowering bushes. The Upper Pierce one is more of a bitch, it's more than 3 huge climbs just after the entrance. I say more than because I gave up after the third one, I hit 45kph just cruising off the top of one.

I can't believe it took me this long to find this place that's almost sitting on my doorstep.

Went down to the S'pore Art Museum during lunch time, found out recently that it's free entry from 12-2 every weekday. Yes! That's right, free, so go on down now. Managed to find a friend that didn't laugh in my face the moment I mention "Art Museum" and "me" in the same sentence. The main reason was to go check out the collection of engraving prints that's on loan from the Louvre Museum in Paris, the exhibit's titled "Engraving the World" you may have seen the ad at bus stops. Worth a look, in addition to that, there was also a guided tour in the afternoon. That's what turned a decent visit into a great one. Picked up loads more stuff than would have otherwise. We were introduced to various local and regional artists and their works. "Local artists?" I hear you ask, yes, that's right local, it's well worth the time. I wouldn't have thought so before this afternoon, but there you go. Oh oh and I almost forgot, saw Adrian Pang at the museum today, some publicity thing.

This evening came back to NUS to attend a cultural performance by Nan Hua High School students, my cluster kids were performing and they invited me along. Now I know you're thinking, "Hah! You got punked boy, 2 hrs of sub-standard performance, capped off with an audience of adoring parents that think their child is the best thing to hit the stage since they stopped showing public executions." That was the sinking suspicion I had when I first walked into UCC. Some of the student audience milling around outside looked like they did their shopping at Pimps R' Us and WhoreMart and standing by the road really doesn't help matters either. An audience of kiddies that know each other really isn't a good idea either, it's immensely distraction, I kept thinking of ways to kill them instead of focusing on the performance.

But, say what you will about the crowd - trigger happy camera twits, jabbering simians, and groping teenagers that are two layers of cloth away from shagging in the theater- the performance was first-rate, not "oh-they're-students" first-rate, it's "oh-I-laughed-so-hard-I-peed-myself" first rate. There were various Chinese instrument performances, dance, English and Chinese drama, Chinese Cross Talk (top-notched), most of it was "all there". The English drama was particularly good, none of that sappy happy ending crap, characters actually die onstage. The Cross Talk stuff was also brilliant, the style and delivery was spot-on. You know how some performances are sometimes so crap that they make you wince in pain? None of that here.

Best Birthday Gift

2007-05-26T18:22:00.000+08:00

Thought of the day: Never, ever bring the teddy bear towel into camp ever again.

Finally cleared my IPPT for this year just days before the deadline of my birthday. Took it last week but failed the 2.4km run miserably, after a week of training went to retake the test again today, made a major improvement of 1min 50s over the previous time to finish the run just under 12mins. Woo feel the burn fool.

Yes I'm back in shape. I'm no longer ice-cream wafer shape, I'm back in donut shape. One more week of training and I'll go back and clear next year's IPPT just after my birthday as well.

Oh by the by, this sem's exams results came out today. However in one and a half decades of local education, one truth has been ground into me. You do not, under any circumstance volunteer your exam results, unless explicitly asked for, as this could otherwise be construed as bragging. Which is a big no-no. An exception is if you did extremely poorly, in which case you should not hesitate to broadcast it to everyone you know to seek sympathy.

Mildly Depressing Post

2007-05-25T11:29:00.000+08:00

Thought of the day: In any population sample of sufficient mediocrity, the average person will always excel.

Presiding over the possible demise of yet another community:

First some background; in my wayward youth at a local high school, I spent a year as the student head of the resident astronomy club. When I first got in, it was a small, but functioning society. During my year running the show, things gradually fell apart through a series of mismanagement on my part such that by the time it was taken off my hands the club was barely viable. The Kodak moment came when I was digging through the club cabinet to look for interesting material to make use of, it occurred to me that “Wow, we’re not introducing anything new into this place at all, like it’s feeding off itself.” Recently I have had occasion to hear comments made by others in the astronomy circle that the club is, if not, completely dysfunctional then at the very least, very much so.

Even more recently, I’ve been having a sense of déjà vu about this Physics Society I’m in now. Though I’m relieved to say that, this time the burden of leadership does not lie with me. We’re in the midst of moving out of the old room now and the place is undergoing what can be best described as an archeological dig. The deeper you go, the older the things get and looking at the records there were some truly glorious days in the past too.

But these days, we’re happy just to get enough people in to fill committee positions, quality optional. Events aren’t getting the amount of response they used to and overall organizational standards are dropping because one, less people are even joining up at the starting line to run the show and two, a little bit more know-how gets lost or fails to get passed on every year. You keep this trend up for a few more iterations and either the place is going to close down or get absorbed into the physics department itself.

I think a good analogy is if you keeping making photocopies of a photocopy, it’s not long before you get nothing meaningful left. The solution of course is to break this cycle and keep doing new stuff and finding people.

Minimum Viable Population

There is such a thing as taking a good analogy too far and I should qualify that I’ve no real expertise in biology. However now is a good time to talk about something else that’s interesting.

There is a term in ecology called the minimum viable population of a species, that’s the lower bound for the number of a species that is needed for it to survive in the wild. The usual dangers are of course, inbreeding and natural disasters (diseases, wild fires etc.) There isn’t a foolproof way to determine such a number since ecological relationships between animals are very complicated to say the least and we don’t really know everything there is to know about animal procreation. For example, the entire population of Chatham Island Robins is about 200 today; all of them are offsprings of the last five remaining birds, only one of which was female. But strangely they do not seem to suffer from any form of inbreeding depression at all.

So the actual figure is sometimes just a rough guide, but the basic idea is this, you have a minimum number requirement, anything less than that and the population will die out.

Now let us make the gross but entertaining mistake of applying a sound biological concept to the field of sociology. There are perhaps sectors of the general population that are so specialized, so specific in their roles that they can be considered a “species” of their own, say medical doctors for example, there are only so many of them and they have a extremely long “reproduction” cycle, it takes years for a bunch of medical doctors to produce a new medical doctor. So that being the case, what’s the minimum viable population for medical doctors in the “wild” society?

One? Hardly, no one person can encompass the whole body of medical knowledge as we know it now.

Zero? After all, someone could conceivably learn it all from books right? And we did not always have doctors around; the first ones had to teach themselves didn’t they? Yes, but remember, we’re talking about viable here, given enough time, maybe dinosaurs could evolve again, but they’re pretty much extinct now aren’t they?

So how many does it take to pass on the science and art of healing. My guess is from a few dozen in different specializations to perhaps a few hundred.

Now perhaps you already see where I’m going with this, from a population size of just under a hundred undergraduate students, is it possible to maintain a viable physics society? Probably yes, but maybe it should be labeled under the conservation status of CR, CRitically endangered.

Now how about this, for an indigenous population of less than four million, is it possible to sustain a leadership that is consistently competent and clean. Critics have always pointed out that the Singapore government exists by promoting a constant climate of fear and the idea of “threats to survival” in the local population. A small population is much more vulnerable than a large population, much more so than what just numbers would indicate. Is this just pseudo-scientific fear mongering? Or is there some validity to the argument.

In genetics, small populations ~100, are especially prone to extinction because of things like genetic drift (random fluctuations in genes), homozygosity (curse of the recessive gene) and monomorphism (i.e. all of them may be vulnerable to one disease). But surely for a population of millions this cannot be the case.

No perhaps not, but there are other issues. Studies of how technology and knowledge spread around the world, presently and historically, shows that a small population has a much higher risk of not only not developing critical technology, but left alone long enough will actually regress into a more primitive technological level. Historic example, Native inhabitants of New Guinea and the Aborigines of Australia share a common ancestry, but in the millennia of isolation on the continent, Aborigines lost or gave up hunting with bows and arrows, New Guineans for one reason or another did not.

A large collaborative community means that not every single piece of the tech. puzzle must be solved by one society alone. Tech borrowing, either through copying the product wholesale or inventing your own copy based on the idea that others have done it can shorten the invention cycle. You only need to invent farming a few times, the wheel a few times, gunpowder once, steel once, smallpox several times in different places and the atom bomb once… You get the idea.

So can you afford to be xenophobic? Well, yes you can, if you don’t mind living in a cave. Otherwise, no. So maybe we should all stop whining about the “damn immigrants”, “over-paid foreigners” and various “others” and wake up to the fact that two generations ago, you would have been a “damn immigrant” too.

NEXT TIME: the controversial topic of dygenics

Sengkang Circuit

2007-05-20T13:13:00.000+08:00

Cycled to Sengkang and back this morning. It's been months since I last did the same course with my bike in school, and it felt good to be back home again. 20km distance took me the same time as cycling from hostel to home, which just goes to show how much harder that Clementi Rd ride is.

Anyway met a very interesting person on the road today, way overtaken by a fellow cyclist in a yellow jersey at a red light along Yio Chu Kang Rd, managed to catch up to him once we entered the Sengkang LRT loop region. Hah! Imagine my surprise when I saw his dark wrinkled leathery face and shock of white hair under the helmet as I was riding by. He caught up with me again not long after and we had a short chat before he reached his place. Found out that he cycles 50km everyday to I think it was Sembawang Rd and was headed back home when we met, and I still had difficulty keeping up with him. Now that's the kind of physical condition I want to be in when I reach that age.

The thing is, in our youth we're too busy doing everything else to train consistently and when we're retired, well we'll have to see what condition your body is in then, won't we? Anyway I won't say he was an old man (anyone that looks like he can beat the shit out of me doesn't really qualify as old to me) maybe in his 50s, 60s at most.

Bike's making a strange creaking sound when I pedal, gotta remember to take a look at it before the next ride.

Cycling and some tips

2007-05-17T13:10:00.000+08:00

Cycled home from NUS high today, did a similar thing about a year ago, it was such a bad experience that I hadn't do it since. But today I was cycling light so it was much better.
Took Clementi road turned right at Dunearn Rd and left at Adam road, straight back up all the way till Yio Chu Kang Rd. The total distance is only 18.5km, which is rather surprising, what's more surprising is that it took almost exactly 1 hour from the hostel to the gate of my home. It usually takes one and a half hours for public transport, about 35-40mins if I drive. Not too shabby eh?
And if an average cyclist can do it (i.e. me) any reasonably fit person (i.e. you) should be able to do it as well.
The whole trip was ok except Clementi Road was a bitch, as usual, undulating road that really takes a lot energy especially at the start of the ride before you're warmed up properly.

One hundred calories can power a cyclist for three miles, but it would only power a car 85 meters

Right, now for the tips part, which I found from a cycling goods website: Cobr while looking for some info on backache when cycling. The bad news is, that's pretty much unavoidable, but the good news I found loads of other interesting stuff on the site. Much of it is on maintaining and tuning your bike. And adjusting it to get a good riding position, very, very important. If you find it hard to cycle, chances are the seat is too low. An even better source is the Dummy's guide to cycling, which somehow I read before I even got a bike; it's the single most useful book on cycling I've read so far.

Interesting point from the site, to optimise the benefit of cycling. If you don't cycle for at least an hour at 80% of your max. heart rate, then there isn't much point in cycling at all except for taking in the views of our beautiful countryside.

Another important one, climbing hills, simple guideline is, pedal sitting for long hills and stand up for short ones. (I said it's a guideline, not a rule) And if you're a small framed person (my size) sliding back on the saddle when climbing will help your pedaling strokes.

Last bit: Cadence, which just means how quickly your pedals go around. Think of it as the RPM of your biking engine. I know that most people don't have a cycling meter or have one that doesn't tell you that. What I did before I got one was to stare at the clock and count, after a while you'll get the hang of it. Any form of musical training would help I guess. The rate I pedal at is usually 85-90 RPM, which is hard to do without toe-clips (which are hoods for your feet like those on exercise bikes) so for normal pedals my guess is you can do up to 80RPM. Oh ya, if you feel like you're pedaling on the spot then your gear is too low, use a higher one and keep trying. Once you find the right gear and pace, you'll feel like you can cycle for ever and a day (I said feel like).
Why is this important? Most people pedal too slowly and use too large a gear, this tires you out easily and more importantly makes you more prone to injuring your knees. So shift down to a gear where you can push a reasonably faster cadence, it's rather strange and feels weird at first but it really helps in the long run. For hills it's ok for it to go down to about 60RPM, but if the gear is too heavy, feel free to drop to a lighter one.

Cycling trip, part 2

2007-05-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

Went on another ride today, this time in a different direction. Decided to cycle to Tuas Power Station after managing to reach Pasir Laba camp last week. I figured that it would only be a short hop into Tuas industrial estate and out, after all how big can that place be. Boy did I ever overestimate myself. A trip that I reckoned would take at most 40km turned into a 59.4km ride. Lesson learned, next time remember to look at the scale on the map, the public transport map doesn't use the same scale on every page, well, now you know.

Started the search for the power station at 10 this morning, took the usual way down to Boon Lay MRT station, just after that, turned into Pioneer North Road which runs straight into the heart of the Tuas industrial area, the road links up to Pioneer Rd which in military jargon would be referred to as the central axis. And what an axis it is, 6 lane wide thoroughfare that runs straight as an arrow right to the very edge of the island, I didn't take note of how far that straight stretch ran but my guess is about 3-4km at least. Big warehouses, both concrete and glass-paneled ran on both sides of the roadway. That's the kind of setting in which you can easily imagine tank columns rolling down.

Ah, but I get ahead of myself, before reaching Pioneer Road, I actually ran into this structure here. Care to guess what it is? I'll give you a hint, it belongs to Exxon Mobile. It's actually located near a lot of other chemical plants and similar constructs, so while cycling through that stretch of area both the view and the smell kept bringing a phrase to the front of my mind "Hell on Earth". Now, that probably isn't a fair statement to make, but with the smell and the mid-day heat, that is what comes to mind.

And so, rolling along, rolling along. The rest of the way down Pioneer Rd was actually quite comfortable, the view was ok and the wind was at my back (the way back would be a damned pain though). And before long I spotted a smokestack in the distance. Is this the power station?
No it's not! It's got dump trucks going in and out of it, it's the Tuas Incineration Plant. By the way those palm trees in the picture run down both sides of the road, quite a nice touch. Kinda reminds people of Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood (if you tear down all the buildings, replace them with something decent, turned the thermostat down 10 degrees and replaced all the trucks with sedans).

And so moving along, by this point I was getting bored and water was running low, which is always a concern in this hellfire weather. So finally when another set of smokers stuck out over the horizon we have to ask, is this the power station?
No it's not! It stinks like old fish, it's the Tuas South Incineration Plant. I kid you not, that really is the name of the place and I'm not dumb enough to give it a name like that.

Of course the entire place is not just full of smokestacks, there are stretches along the road that smell like shampoo and flowers, if flowers grew in factories. Also spotted familiar names like Ciba Vision, and drug labs, oh sorry, sorry, pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer and Glaxo Smith Kline.

Finally, ladies and gentlemen, as we approach the end of the Tuas South Ave 1, if you would look directly ahead you will see... Yes indeedy, yet another huge smoking Joe. And so we ask, in a slightly pissed tone, is this the frakking place? This had better be the place, I've had just about enough of this foolery. I'm this close to tearing you a new one.

So, um... right, uh... fortunately, yes, yes it is the place. Tuas Power Station this is. Look even the sign says so, well you have to imagine the sign says so cause I don't have a decent camera. Look I rather spend $300 getting a new frame for my bike than to spend the money getting a mediocre camera that I use once in 2 months.

We've finally reached the place, well that's just great isn't it, now we have to turn right around and pedal our asses back home. ( I realise I'm alternating between using "I" and "we" here in this post, but you have to understand that at about this point in time out there, the brain started talking to itself, so there.)

I'll spare you the painful journey back home which save for the wind blowing in our faces and almost getting run over by huge container trucks was remarkable in only two ways. I managed to get a shot of the western coast of the island which is sealed up tighter than a cabinet minister's ass, but that's fine since I can claim I reach both the Western and Eastern tip of the island now. And I found a huge stockpile of sand and granite grains. We struck gold boy! Now all we need to do is find a way to smuggle it out in 1000kg lots.

So if you feel utterly bored and tired after reading this post, well that's good, because I've managed to share my experience of today's ride with you.

Cycling trips, part 1

2007-05-10T14:37:00.000+08:00

Went to P. Ubin yesterday with a couple of NUS friends 5 of us in all. As usual got there late, after breakfast at Changi Village hawker center and the kidney rocking boat ride we reached the island at 1030.

Enjoyed a leisurely two hours of cycling along the various sealed and dirt tracks of the island. Didn't go to any of the old quarries though, but we did managed to reach 3 of the beaches on the island, two on the north shore and one on the south. Unfortunately the entire island is fenced up tighter than Alcatraz so the sea view really suffered. The beach wasn't much as well, just a small strip of sand between grass and sea, quite badly littered, the bastards. But still, I wager the night sky there will be worth the bother. They do allow overnight camping on the beaches and there are toilets nearby but then "man makes plans and the gods laugh" eh? So we'll see how that goes.

Rained a little on and off throughout the trip, enough to make it interesting but not enough to stop us cycling.

Got off the island after 1pm when the weather really soured and the wind started gusting heavily, just in time to leave. Didn't cover a lot of ground but it was still great fun, not least because of the company.

Camping Trip

2007-05-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

Went on camping trip with a friend over the weekend to Pasir Ris park. Did the usual stuff, cycled and checked out the stuff on the beach there. Stepped on numerous hermit crabs during low tide and found two different kinds of marine clay under the sand. One is the usual reddish-brown kind that we get on land. The other is the kind featured in Arnold Schwarzenegger's (had to look up the spelling) movie, Predator. The grey sticky kind that he smears over his body to keep from being seen by the alien hunter. Had a strange urge to rub bands of it on my face and start roaring.

The night sky was surprisingly clear, considering we were beside the sea. Got to see the constellations of Leo, Bootes, part of Virgo, either Canis Minor or Gemini and shockingly, Ursa Major as well which I always thought could not be seen here. Basically spotted most of the magnitude 1 and 2 stars in the northern hemisphere, the south was towards land so over there the trees blocked most of it while northwards was directly out to sea.

Also managed to spot the planets Venus, Saturn and Jupiter through the night, the moon rose late, which was a blessing. All in all a very good night. Can't remember the last time I saw so much of the night sky, but then I also can't remember the last time I spent two hours looking at the sky.

Fooled around at the playground for a bit, while waiting for the bike shop to open so that we could return the bikes before heading back.

Wonderful day

2007-05-05T17:59:00.000+08:00

Had a good night's rest and got out on the road again this morning. Cycled to a new place, Pasir Laba Camp, not a new place exactly, just the first time cycling there. Scenery consisted mainly of people booking out of camps and waiting at bus stops in bunches.

The weather was pretty fine today, except for a bit of crosswind after Boon Lay, feels like some clown trying push me off my bike. Not much traffic on the roads today, always a good thing that, but almost splattered myself on the tailgate of a lorry near Discovery Center on the way back. He was turning into the construction site while I was looking everywhere else but in front.

Got back after covering just under 30km, yes, today is a good day indeed.

The next place to go would be Tuas Power station, which is the most prominent landmark on the absolute western tip of the island.

Oh, and in other news, Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail today after violating probation. Mm-mmh something smells good. Did I mention that today was a good day?

Halfway through

2007-05-04T19:57:00.000+08:00

Today marks the halfway point of my physics undergraduate course. Managed to hand in the last report just ahead of the dateline.

Coming back to plan for the next two years ahead, there is still a lot more to learn but the fact is that I'll never be able to fit into the timetable. While the choice physics modules in the first two years seem sparse, the third and fourth year modules are a buffet line of treats, nuclear physics, particle physics, cosmology, relativity, solid state, atomic physics, suddenly there's loads to choose from and not enough time to study them all. Of course the alternative to formal lessons is to pick up a book and teach yourself but that's just not the same as being in class. It's just not as fun without someone else to discuss cool ideas with.

If this is all that can be cramp into four years of studies, what about graduate studies? There is a teaching assistant that's also a grad student here in school, it's incredible the amount of background he can bring to bear on a problem. I've had the good fortune of having him as a mentor in the course of this project but it has never occurred to me before now to ask him how he manages to pick up all these things.

And it doesn't help that three months after studying something it comes straight out the other side of the head. What if after a few years at an unrelated job I forget all about quantum mechanics? Now that is a frightening thought indeed.

Class mech

2007-04-30T17:23:00.000+08:00

This morning had my second to last paper at nine, which is classical mechanics. Much harder then anticipated, even people that actually prepared for the paper said so, not just me. But good thing this paper makes up less than half of the total, for me anyway. No harm done.

By twelve I was on my bike again trying out a new toy I got a few days ago. Felt great to be cycling again after so many weeks idling. The new gadget I got is a heart rate monitor, it's got a display that you wear like a watch on the wrist which receives transmissions from the ECG monitor that's about an inch wide that you wear strapped around your chest in a, well, sort of a bra-like fashion. What it does is that it monitors how fast your heart rate changes during warm up and then determines what range of heart rate you should keep within for a workout of a certain intensity. This is good for cycling cause it helps you pace yourself instead of wasting all your energy in the first 15mins sprinting against cars on the road and then be so bonked that you can't ride properly.

In simple terms it's like a speedometer for the human part of the system. Only complaint so far is that the monitor starts to slip downwards after a while you're not careful, and sticking an arm under the shirt to pull up the thing is just way uncool. On top of that, people give me weird looks.

Some thoughts

2007-04-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

Finished my Singapore Studies paper today, this post is related only in the way a chicken is related to a 2 ton dinosaur.

First watch the clip yes, it's entertaining, really it is. For our generation that did not experience the cold war and indoctrination of vilifying anything that looks slightly communist in nature the clip doesn't do much in the way of provocation. A corollary of this is that the cultural symbols of the “great enemy” have turned into fashion statements, but that's a side issue.

Imagine an alien that has never encounter humans or know any of our history seeing this film for the first time. It'll (given that it knows what the images mean) probably think that this state is pretty alright. Replace alien with anyone that doesn't know much about history and you'll probably get the same reaction. Same reason why some kids through one way or another come to think that the Greater German Reich was not a "bad idea".

Now next thing is this. Take the same clip, dub it with a national anthem of your choice, say our own, swap out a few of the cultural icons. Watch that in the theater of your mind, “bum-bum-de-bum-bum-ba-de-baa” fades in, screen cuts to the Merlion, happy workers, smiling middle class, attentive school children and armoured fist of the armed forces. Camera cuts across the bow of the submarine, a few more other images and fade out.

A pretty bizarre example I’ll admit, but if we watch things like this everyday on the TV, internet, here for example, the newspapers, basically everything we look at, how do we know what is real after a while? So one day it’s “my country is cool, I’m proud to be a citizen”, the next day it’s “man this is fucked up, it’s bullshit man”. And there’s no such thing as flipping to the back of the book to find that the answer to no. 5 is, oh pi squared over 2, ah well missed by half.

Ah but wait, I shall use my educated brain to analyse these events. That’s right, I will use my critical thinking faculties and value system imparted to me by my teachers. Wait a minute, but they went through an even more screwed up education system in their youth then I have. At this point, it may be tempting to go, “see, what’s the point of worrying about all this political stuff, it doesn’t get you anywhere, just get back to living your life.”

But thinking like that is like saying, “I can’t find the light switch in this room, ah forget it, I’ll go next door where the light is on.” But what if the light next door goes out too?

The only thing close to a comforting answer to all this is simply belief in the progressive ideology. The idea that things will get better over time, that yes things are bad now but they’ll get better tomorrow and then it’ll be better the day after that. The idea that mankind as a whole is slowly but surely going upwards. Just as we built on the work of our fathers, we shall push our children forward that little bit more in our lifetimes.

So we may be all confused and fucked up now, and all the pain, misery and suffering but the hope is in the future that this will not be the case anymore. However believing in this is a little like religious faith and heaven, no really good reason to. But that’s the best I can come up with.

“I don’t believe in the devil.

You should, he believes in you.”

-Constantine

Why we fight

2007-04-25T17:13:00.001+08:00

Why we ~~fight~~ study

This is a well-worn question that has been trotted out many, many times. Asked and answered in as many different ways as there are different kinds people. So why am I bringing up this old tale again? More to collect and organise my thoughts than to preach a sermon on the value of education. ( I am aware that I do tend to preach a fair bit, I'm working on it.) Less importantly is that the reason behind why we study usually drives our motivation to do it. If a person's reason for it is not really personal or relevant to himself, he may not be very motivated to do it. I say usually because we all know people who, when asked "Why do you study?" answer, "because my parents made me." And come out scoring tops. Puts a rather big hole in my theory between reason and motivation I think.

First, some historical perspective. old man Plato, in his work Politeia (better known as The Republic, I don't want to be anal about it but I think it's more accurate to use the original Greek title. Bet you didn't even know The Republic is a mistranslation did you? So at least you've learn something, unless you took PH1101, in which case you already know, yes you.) had a very clear cut idea of the role of education in his ideal state.

He thought it was of the paramount importance, the purpose of education is to train the ruling class of the city, the guardians, into the qualified rulers of the city, the head of which will be the philosopher king.

The second point is that he was as concerned with training of the character as with the intellect, His idea of the secondary stage of education involved as much moral training as intellectual. And in addition he states," the educator should remember that his aim is not to put into the mind knowledge that was not there before, but to turn the mind's eye to the light so that it can see for itself."

The reason I quoted two of his reasons is so that I get bring up the point that I think philosophers have lots of really groovy ideas, but also some damn weird ones. So just as I wouldn't want to quote from the bible as reference to some greater authority I don't want to do the same with old dead Greek guys. Just because they're old doesn't mean they are right eh?

So after a long winded intro, let's....eh heck let's take a break and go for dinner, I'll do a part two next time. Really I will, no really.

Earth Day !

2007-04-23T03:11:00.000+08:00

Yes that's right folks today(or rather yesterday) is Earth Day. April 22nd that is, wherever you are around the world. Incidentally that's the reason why your Google search engine logo got that melting iceberg look.

The original Earth day used to be on the 22nd of March, why? Because it's the vernal equinox, silly. After the long nights of winter it's the day when daytime and night time are equally long. It's the tipping over point when day becomes longer than night, and it's marked as the official start of spring.

So what is it all about? Straight forward really, celebrate our environment (what's left of it) and raise awareness of current environmental issues. Well the big one is of course global warming ya and it's fast becoming THE bogey man in everyone's minds. Well that's good I guess, if there's enough concerned and worried people out there then more will be done sooner. But the danger is that there's always some degree of misrepresentation of scientific ideas in the public arena so we don't want people to get too freaked out and start doing strange things. Like start hoarding water or blowing up coal fired power plants.

Then again not everything has to do with global warming right. Illegal logging in Indo. , still a big problem. Desertification in China, drought in Australia 5th year in a row now, big issue there. Depleting fish stocks (which is serious because we don't farm fish as intensively as we farm mammals) all over the world mostly. These problems are more because we're demanding more than the ecology can provide rather than as a direct result of global warming. Our choices as consumers have a direct impact on all these issues. If no one or even less people want it, there'll be less demand to harvest it right. So fancy wood paneling, yummy seafood (your codfish may not be cod anymore, did you know that?) and that bottle of wine, all these add up over time and over the world. The sad part is that individually we never feel that it's a big deal. Intellectually we know in our minds that what we do has a real impact but we just don't feel that it's a big effect. There's a name for this phenomenon, it's called the "Tragedy of the Commons" and it really is a tragedy because people as a whole can't seem to break free of it.

So this Earth Day let's try to cut down on our consumption ya, go on, walk that two extra steps and turn that light off.

"Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist."-Kenneth Boulding

Module review

2007-04-21T21:35:00.000+08:00

Finished the electricity and magnetism paper a few hours ago, thinking through what I actually learn in this semester that was actually new to me. Quite a fair bit actually. The module recovered all those old E & M stuff that's been taught since secondary school, even the lecturer himself said so.

But on top of that I've learnt that
i) In addition to the old scalar potential V, there is such a thing called the vector potential A that defines the magnetic field.

ii) Divergence of 1/(r^2) vector gives a Dirac delta function.

iii) How E and B behaves in material, no more assume it's a vacuum.

iv) Can state the integral and differential form of Maxwell's Eqns.

v) Gauge transformations can be performed on potentials such that the fields remain the same. Potentials for a given field are non-unique.

vi) If you bring a meter rule to class and swing it around wildly when you lecture, students are much less likely to sleep.

Lest we forget.

6 weird things about me

2007-04-20T22:09:00.000+08:00

As tagged by Ching Ying

(1) I tell myself jokes when I'm bored, mostly monologues from stand-up comedies I've watched. I get a big kick from laughing at my own jokes. "Hey, your mama so fat, thaaat..."

(2) I can waggle my ears and left eyebrow at will.

(3) I think my father should have a blog that goes back to the 50s. Something like
"August, 10 1965

Looks like we're out of Malaysia again, bloody hell what on earth does the government think it's doing? Now it looks like the opposition was right all along. Still no news about what happened to all those people that got arrested a few months ago, hope Ah Huat is alright. The job at the new school seems alright so far, except there's this female teacher that keeps looking at me funny..."

(4) I am left handed, I can't pee properly with my right hand.

(5) I make whooshing noises in the corridor when there's no one around and pretend I'm wielding a flamethrower.

(6) I got my head stuck under the bed while asleep before when I was a child, and throughout my secondary school days elected to sleep on the floor to keep that from happening again.

I tag: nobody, this far, no further.

Thinking about QM2

2007-04-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

Results for the make-up test for Quantum Mechanics 2 just came out recently. Did relatively well this time compared to the first one, but the whole event still leaves me with an uneasy feeling

To start off, I must say that the lecturer has done everything short of telling us what the answer was outright to help everyone pass the module, and short of Dirac himself coming back from the dead and going "Ok, listen here you dumbasses..." I can't think of anyone else that is better qualified to teach the course.

The results for the most recent test was low enough that he had to scale up the scores of those that took the test to push up the grade, if not classmates that need to graduate this semester won't be able to do so. The problem is not everyone took the test, and I having taken the test and improved marginally get a relatively large edge over those that did not. Well I don't know what's wrong with it exactly, but it feels like cheating.

That matter aside, the crux of the issue is this, even if you only do 2 out of 5 questions and leave the rest blank, chances are you'll clear the course. You study 5 out of 6 chapters of the material and you'll likely get an A for it. And with moderation and curving the grades, it leaves me asking, "How much do I really know the subject in the end?" What good is an A or A+ if after everything you can't even explain what you've learned to yourself? It'll be like giving the gold medal to the runner-up of the race, do you think he'll treasure it, or even want it? The whole world can tell him he's number one, but it'll be worth nothing to him because he knows he did not earn it. The medal or trophy is just a piece of metal, it doesn't have any intrinsic worth, it's how it was gotten in the first place that gives it value. Anybody can spend $50 to put his name on a suitably impressive trophy or certificate, not many people do that, why not? Because that just throwing good money away for a bit of scrap metal and a piece of paper which is only good for doing workings on the back of.

Of course I'm keenly aware that this sounds like just so much hypocritical bull to someone in danger of failing the course. It's easy for me to say, I'm not in danger of having to stay back another whole year am I. When push comes to shove how much good is this high-minded work ethic anyway. Say in my fourth year I'm faced with the same problem. Either accept a somewhat dodgy technicality to pass and graduate or flunk the course, stay another year, face the termination of the scholarship and its attendant penalties. Will I still spout the same sentiments when it’s me and mine at stake? It is somewhat upsetting and discomforting to admit that I don’t really know if I would.

And that brings me to a close on today’s topic. That one, I need more moral fiber in my diet and two I’m not really sure if I’m cut out for this job anymore.

US war artist

2007-04-15T13:28:00.000+08:00

Work done by one Michael Fay (no, not that one, I don't think) who is an official US marine war artist, one of only three in the service. His mission - "Go do art" - has taken him to Iraq and Afghanistan.

This is perhaps a side of the war that we don't see much in the news. In fact there's lots of things we don't see in the news and maybe it's good for everyone to encounter opposing views now and again.

He has a blog called Fire and Ice. So go take a look if you like. He has his own views on the war that I think are worth a read too.

Some updates

2007-04-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

Just some things that's been going on recently. most interesting one first is that I've started taking alcohol again. Went out with a friend to Holland V's Wala Wala last night, I can honestly say I haven't had such a fun night out in an indecently long time. Decent band, good company and keep the drinks coming barkeep.

Next most interesting thing, I have to make a presentation on the physics project I've been doing this semester tomorrow. It's bookwork really, they call it an independent study module, which means study what I want and get credit for it. The down side is that my supervisor is rather less than helpful. In fact to be honest, he's rather helpless.

Looking forward to the holidays, exams finish on the 2nd of May, but the last two papers I have makes up only 50% of the total. There is a physical sensation to anticipation, it tickles the belly and makes you grin.

Life is like a box of chocolates

2007-04-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

Life is like a box of chocolates

Today just goes to show that of the infinite number of events that the universe can deal to you, sometimes you get dealt a joker.

Sometime last week a friend asked me if I'll be willing to help out a friend of hers that was having trouble with physics. With papers coming up, naturally, I was wary of taking on anymore work then I already have, but since it was only until the exams, I agreed. There was some mention of payment or some such, can't remember what I said exactly, but I think it was something along the lines of, "uh, ah, look... ah, uh, fuck it, uh no." Before you go, "sure or not, so noble meh?" Let me explain, when you get paid to teach someone, consciously or unconsciously you are taking responsibility for how well they learn and the results they get, if they screw up, it's your fault too. I for one am not ready to take that responsibility. I am hence not noble, I'm just skillful at responsibility avoidance and spinning things to look good. Still never pass up a chance to spread the Word (of Physics), I always say.

Met the person today for the first time, straight forward enough stuff, went through just over an hours of worth material before I had to go rush off to do something else. All this is usual enough, but the surprise was that the person actually got a box of chocolates as a thank-you gift for me. Oh my, well that's nice. =) Again, motivation less than noble, but comes out looking like a jolly good fellow all around. There is a literary device for this kind of thing, it’s call the anti-hero.

Oh that reminds me, there was a joke in all this meandering, here's the punch line, the person was a guy. Well, sometimes you get dealt queens sometimes you get jokers.

Give me money

2007-04-02T18:55:00.000+08:00

Halfway through the 'Home' section of the Straits Times today I had to take a break because I kept shouting "What the Fu--!" and my neighbour in the next room was complaining of the noise. But I'm alright now, no worries.

Ok, so minister pay rise big issue yes? Very sensitive, very emotionally, many people getting excited, not for me of course I don't pay a single cent, I just get angry at the drop of a hat. Before getting into the meat of the issue, I think it's worth pointing out that anytime someone gets to approve their own paycheck everyone starts getting upset, very unreasonable of people, tsk, tsk, tsk. I mean what's the point of being the king if you don't have the key to the treasure chest? Hmmm bad analogy, right anyway, moving on, moving on.

So pay hike, why? Attract and retain talent from the private sector.
How? 2/3 of median income of 8 top earners in 6 professions. Comes out to 2.2 million annually.

Should we have a formula to work out their pay? Of course we should, how else are we going to be fair? People don't serve just because they get a warm fuzzy feeling from working in the civil service. Be realistic, money counts.

But these days criticism needs to be backed by constructive suggestions, or else people will say you are just a rabble-rouser.

So this is a pay scheme that I think will satisfy the need to keep competitive salaries and at the same time satisfy the "serve out of loyalty" gang of people.
Plan A:
Take the 8 lowest paid employees in Singapore in 6 different job sectors and take the median income, multiply that by 50 times, 100 times for the cabinet cause they are so hard working, and you have your minister pay. I think the best way to motivate someone to help the low income group is if their pay is pegged to it. Oh my, that reminds me, Singapore got no minimum wage leh, must be competitive after all.
But don't worry, there's still a bonus at the end of the year for all the hard work the top echelons put in, for every able-bodied person of working age that is unemployed at the end of every work year, we dock their pay. Say, 50 cents per unemployed?
The year that ministers stop getting negative pay under this scheme is the year when all of us chip in to build an IR just for them, the name of the IR will be something like "Government Service- where dreams come true."

Too radical? Well ya maybe, I thought the IR was a bit too much. Alright, alright, how about this.
Plan B:
Minister Pay is pegged to the net income of the following sectors biomedical, arms manufacturing and export, guest worker employment and in the future the IR-ing sector. Why this four? No reason really just that it seems to work for the Columbian drug mafia bosses. Strangely their main business lies in drug manufacturing, gun running, human trafficking and gambling rings.

Too controversial, way, way too controversial. I knew you'll think that, so there's still,
Plan C:
Ministers get the same pay scheme as Apple CEO Steve Jobs and Google CEO Eric Schmidt, Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Which is an annual salary of $1. They get shares in their respective companies instead. What better way to motivate the drivers of Singapore Inc.? Singapore shares for everyone, pray they don't depreciate.

Look, the point is this, if you want competitive pay, there's a million ways to do that, some of them are not even fixed pay. No one begrudges the work put in by the powers that be, but let them put their money where their mouth is.

My name is Seah Chu Perng,
and I am not anonymous.

All along the Watchtower: Jimi Hendrix

2007-03-30T23:02:00.000+08:00

Watch this and you will understand why 'Music with Rocks in' was so huge a generation ago. This is nothing like all those carbon-copied, fomulaic crap you get nowadays and wannabe rock bands. This was the cutting edge when it was still the edge.

Fury (disturbing content)

2007-03-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

Yes indeedy, yet one more post about numero uno i.e. me. There really is a preponderance of posting that focus solely on myself. Is the blog an avenue for self-expression? The way this is going its more like self-indulgence really, and a distinctly unpleasant one at that. Still here? Good, let us proceed.

Those that know me for any length of time will know that I have a fuse that is about 5 minutes long and 2 stupid acts wide. It seems to be all too easy for me to be massively pissed off, or in fact even descend into a quaking rage. At the slightest provocation, dive into a roaring urge to kick, to punch, to pound into the pavement, to hurt and break something, anything and to watch it bleed. There is power in fury, it makes me stronger and faster. And when it wears off, it leaves me with pounding blood in my eardrums and panting hard. There is a dark beast beneath the veneer or civility; scratch the surface with a fingernail and you will see the spitting, snarling animal scrabbling and clawing against the surface to be free. A hair’s breadth away from tearing out of control.

This insane urge is by no means unique, in literature you see it your dark, tragic hero in his quest for self-mastery and redemption, leashing the inner beast to his command (Incredible Hulk, Raging Bull, the Slayer and the Blood Angels Chapter are the more obvious examples). As if it is something that could bottle up or penned up in a cage to be released upon foes as and when, like a hunting dog almost. Or in his antithesis, the raging madman villain completely drunk and sunk in his own fury. (Almost every super villain fits this bill, Mr. Hyde particularly.)

But reality is so much scarier isn't it? There is no happy ending waiting in the last panel, no reunion with kin or acceptance of peers guaranteed to unfold by the end of the story. There may be no redemption, no last reprieve, no final awakening to sanity just before the end. So very, very many instances litter our very lives, and the annals of history press down hard on our collective psyches. We do not even have to go the full extreme to the anti-Semitism fueled rage of Hitler. Murderers, killers, rapists, wife beaters, schoolyard bullies, boys that drown kittens, the rage walks around and through us all. There is a dark, sick and twisted animal in us that roars in approval at every punch landed, every blow that connects, every bleeding cut, at every stab and every thrust. That grins and nods in approval at the screech and crash of car wrecks. That capers and gibbers in glee at the sight of broken, bleeding bodies that only a ten storied drop can produce. That yells out in joy when we put that one last bullet into the body, just to see the corpse jump. Cheering every act of violence, marveling at every skull-filled room and all the while, whispering in your ear ‘kill them all.’ And the most frightening of all? Is when you feel your finger twitch in response.

It is a drug, this fury, it makes me feel invulnerable and strong and leaves me craving for the next hit of adrenalin. It is tempting to give in to the beast, to give up the constant battle for control and say “I do not care anymore, take me where you will.” Descending into the black rage is to be liberated from thought and worry, there is no ‘tomorrow’ to the beast, no plans, no ‘to-do’ lists. And when the drug wears off I am rudely thrust back into this life and this moment of thought, and if unfortunately there should be blood upon my hands…

Where do you suppose the myths of werewolves come from? The kernel of the tale is that of man losing control of the beast, losing control to the beast, to turn into a snarling, tearing animal. It is a horror story, a story of fear, not just from the perspective of the victims, oh no, not just that. It is the fear of losing one’s mind, the fear of waking up and not knowing what I have done.

European History module

2007-03-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

Just found out my grade for the history simulation we were suppose to do for the module. Very interesting exercise, the tutorial group was split into 5 different nations (Britain, France, Italy, Germany and USA) and were told to research on the Treaty of Versailles that took place after World War I (1914-1918. that's the one with trench warfare, mustard gas and the invention of the tank. Not the one with Hitler, that one is WWII). So on the day of tutorial itself we were suppose to recreate the Treaty meeting, and go through the process of negotiating peace in Europe, not the exact same conditions of course, we were free to make new deals and cut rival nations out of the treaty benefits and such. Realpolitik you might say, of course scheming, egoistic person that I am, I had a great time. Spouting rhetoric and gesticulating wildly while speaking really seems to be my thing.

Oh I should probably mention, I was on the German team. Generally managed to get a better deal than the real Treaty, which is expected since Germany wasn't even represented in the original Treaty of Versailles. That and the help of historical hindsight helped a lot (the argument that Hitler rose to power from the discontent of Germans who felt unfairly treated by the deal is pretty convincing, and scary). But to be frank, the deal the tut group arrived at would probably have caused another war within 20 years, no goodwill you see. France has been invaded by Germany 3 or 4 times in the modern era with considerable success using more or less the same strategy. [Look, put it this way, either someone's really stupid or someone's really smart.] Which makes it all the more curious how France and Germany have became such close partners since the end of WWII. Oh, that's right, the cold war.

Historical lesson, unity-through-pointing-finger- at-external-enemy. "Look! it's the dirty (insert racial/cultural/organizational epithet here). It's all their fault!" Still used to great effect today, can you say, Falkland/ trade deficit/ sand/ telecoms/ immigrants/Hutu/ terrorists/ gays? There's something for all occasion and seasons.

1-dimension harmonic oscillator

2007-03-22T03:24:00.000+08:00

Quantum mechanics, lots of stuff can be modeled as a harmonic oscillator. Atoms jiggling in a solid, electrons in an atom, ions in a electric trap. That's because at short enough distances most potentials approach that of a harmonic oscillator.

After finding the wavefunction for the harmonic oscillator it just occurred to me that I can plot it and actually see something interesting. So below are two of the stationary states of the oscillator. to the lay person you can think of it as the probability distribution of the particle at each specific energy. The one on the left is at n=2. And the one on the right is n=5, you can start to see that the peaks at the end are actually larger than those in the middle. Which means they are more likely to be found in those areas. This makes sense as large n values will tend towards the classical oscillator (pendulum) which spends most of it's time at the edges, since it is at rest then. There are another interesting class of wavefunctions for oscillators known as coherent states, this are rather interesting in that they stay quite tightly packed, over time and space. What this means is that they are always very well defined in terms of where they are and how fast they are going, as well defined as physically possible actually.

To all the teachers and instructors to be

2007-03-20T22:08:00.001+08:00

1.Wear a hood with one eyehole and make strange gurgling sounds periodically
2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat. 11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13. Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19. Address students as "worm".
20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
22. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
23. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
24. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
25. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
26. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
27. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.
28. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
29. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".
30. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove".
31. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.
32. Inform your English class that they need to know FORTRAN and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
33. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
34. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
35. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
36. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
38. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
39. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
40. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
41. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".
42. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
43. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
44. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through

Armenia

, for next class.
45. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
46. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
47. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
48. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
49. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field".
50. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

People I have met

2007-03-17T09:42:00.000+08:00

There are two kinds of people in this world...

No, strike that, that kind of statement is what marks the start of all ill-conceived advice and platitudes on human nature. And it is manifestly untrue, how can there just be two kinds of people in these world? Well maybe it can if you are incredibly oversexed, but even then there's always the mixed or others category. But two seconds of consecutive thinking will tell you that there are people you like to hug, people you like to be with, people you don't even want to touch, others you want to touch in a pain-inducing way and the rest you just want to lunge at with a sharp fork. So there's really more than two kinds of people in this world, wouldn't you agree? What it really means is this, there are many ways to cut the human pie, one way to cut it is this...

There are many ways to cut the human pie, one way to cut it is this, there are those that no matter what happens will feel that it is their fault and feel guilty over everything. While there are others that no matter what occurs will never find it to be their fault and find themselves are either victims or blameless. On the latter much has been said and to paraphrase a good friend," bloody... chao.... na...people", seems to be the common consensus and we all agree that a serious mental adjustment needs to be done, so let's leave it at that.

On the other extreme, to those that suffer from excessive guilt and responsibility, we ascribe to them a quality of noble suffering, the ideal of the stoic hero silently shouldering the weight of the world. This, the curse of the great man, the most noble of character flaws. We pick it up from our multitude of literature, plays and religion, and pass on to our children all our lives through our myriad actions, gestures and inflections. Never explicitly, the quiet morality, the value that to suffer is noble, not loud prideful suffering , oh no, quiet, soft, preferably silent agony is the best. The kind that no one knows of when you are alive and all the more suitable to proclaim upon your death. Oh yes, the overburden of guilt, something everyone respects.

This extreme on the guilt scale, like the other, is just as blind. And is all the more insidious because nobody thinks there's anything wrong with it. If we are to err, better to err on the side of caution isn't it? So everything's your fault and everything's my fault, and if the earth is destroyed tomorrow by a meteor it is someone's fault somewhere because he wasn't looking hard enough. (Assorted Rocks : Meteoroid-when it is still in space. Meteor-when it is in the atmosphere. Meteorite- when it is in the ground) Thinking we're responsible for everything and hence guilty of everything that goes wrong assumes that we are capable of affecting everything significantly with enough conscious effort. If you don't think there is anything wrong with that assumption then we don't have anything more to talk about.

From now on people that bitch and moan about how this and that is their fault even though it was clearly beyond their control will receive from me, in progressive stages

a kindly worded statement that, it's not your fault, get over it.
a tight slap and a firmly worded statement, it's not your fault, get over it.
finally if they persist, an invitation to a close proximity introduction to my fork.

Does this mean I'm copping out on global warming? After all it's a huge global problem, it can't be any individual's fault can it? The answer to that is No and Yes, respectively. I do not assume that we are capable of affecting everything significantly with enough conscious effort. But I do assume that global warming is under the category of "some of the things we can affect significantly with enough effort". I do not feel guilty because my ancestors have, especially in the last two centuries, shat and pissed on the entire world and brought it to the state it is now. I was at no point in time able to dictate their choices. But I am guilty, in my two decades of existence, of shitting and pissing on the entire world and bringing it to the state it is now.

Do you know how much that takes out of you?

2007-03-14T20:45:00.000+08:00

Recently I had a, shall I say friend? Well, ok for the sake of argument let's refer to him as friend. I had a friend give me this funny and slightly disturbing analyse of being in a relationship. I'll try to repeat it verbatim, as usual these kind of things are "you have to be there to get it" kind of situations.

"You now got girlfriend ah? No girlfriend, nevermind, you know how much time that takes out of your life or not. Start with the basic stuff first let's say you keep in touch everyday, phone or msn or sms or whatever, no matter what will be at least an hour a day. I know you don't talk that long, but it comes to one hour anyway cause you spend the rest of the time recovering from the "siongness" of the chat. Don't tell me after you put down the phone you don't feel a need to go lie down somewhere.

7hrs a week leh, you know how much you can do with time like that? You're losing out on a whole day's worth of sleep every week you know. Other people sleeping that time you donno doing what.

Then let's say your girlfriend is super low maintenance meet up fortnightly ok liao. That's still 5hrs a week you'll never see again. 5 hours leh, you go out one time come back people finish experiment writing report already. You still reading procedure.

You work out how much that comes to in one sem 12 weeks, 12 hours a week that comes to 6 solid days out of the entire sem. People study 12 week you study 11 weeks and that's assuming you work 24hrs a day, You throw in special occasions and what-not and you're down to 10 weeks and you're wondering why you can't catch up with work."

By now you realise that when I said funny, I didn't mean it in the "ha-ha" sense of the word. I think this really serves to highlight the point, know your audience, I mean, you're talking to me on a topic like this? Come on...

2007-03-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

Cold wind gently blows,
Lonely light by window sits,
Work is never done.